It’s that time again. Blood work, port flushes, and CT scans. As a cancer patient and his caregiver, tests are necessary to determine if the treatment is working. But there’s this almost reflexive breath holding that takes place during the wait for results. Yet the wait also allows for a time of reflection. While I personally have rarely found it helpful to ask God, “Why?” I have come to experience great growth when instead I ask, “Lord, what do you want me to learn from this?”
It was all I could pray, and just a whispered prayer at that.
My life and my soul were in the middle of a storm. Tears obscured my vision as I tried to navigate the raging waters that circled my heart. I wanted God to take the helm, to navigate the path, to take me safely to harbor. I wanted him to part the waters so I could walk through. I wanted to be safe on dry ground again, yet right now I was facing swells that threatened to capsize my life.
He looked deep into my eyes before pulling me in close for a hug and kissing me on the forehead. My son, preparing to graduate from high school, now towers over my petite frame. “It’s going to be ok, Mom.”
I smiled, not quite sure who he was trying to reassure—me or him. “I know it is, Son. God has big plans for you and I can’t wait to watch you explore the path He has set before you. And no matter where that is, I’ll always be your biggest cheerleader!”
Are you ever caught by surprise by the events of life? Do you ever wake up and wonder how you got there? How has time passed so quickly? That’s where I found myself.
People warned me it would happen:
“They grow up quickly,” they cautioned.
“Before you know it, they’ll be graduating,” others warned.
I looked in her eyes, really not needing to ask the question, but wanting to give her a chance to voice what was on her heart, “How are you, really?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t have to share if you don’t want to, but I might understand better than you might think.”