I recently found myself in two vastly different scenarios, but both brought me back to a place of inspecting my own heart.
In the first situation, I travelled to surprise a friend for a big 50th birthday celebration being planned for her. Before returning home, however, I stayed on a few more days with another friend for the express purpose of rest and fellowship. She had declared before I even arrived, “I don’t want you lifting a finger. I’ll take care of anything you need.” She knew that the stress of the past year had left me exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally, and what I needed was rest in every sense of the word, and my short visit allowed for that.
Have you ever been in a place of turmoil? A place in life where you had more questions than answers? A place where you needed to know God sees you and cares for your every need?
That’s where I was on this sweltering hot day in Texas. Grateful that the previous night’s storm had passed, yet feeling weighed down by the oppressive heat and the questions in my soul. I had a job to do, yet I wondered if I was on the right track and if it would make an impact.
“I can’t swim!” were the words offered in a barely audible whisper.
My son’s closest friends had gathered for his birthday party at the lake, and the excitement built as they each donned a life jacket.
It soon became a contest to determine who was going to jump in the water first. As I watched from afar, with camera in hand to catch the action, I noticed one young gal hanging back.
“You don’t seem like you’re fully invested in this…” he relayed, regarding a decision that needed to be made.
Tears stung the back of my eyes. I didn’t want to admit it: of course he was right, but not for the reason he thought.
I surveyed my heart. It wasn’t that I wasn’t fully invested in moving forward with his suggestion, but that I was afraid of failing.
Have you ever had one of those days where frustration has threatened to over take you? That’s where I sat, on the verge of tears.
Situations occurred that were out of my control, things I was depending on and was now powerless to do anything about. People proved unreliable and undependable. Tasks that should have been simple were proving to be difficult at every turn.
I was emotionally spent. Physically weary. Every ounce of me wanted to give up. I wanted to complain. I wanted wrongs to be made right.