Everywhere I looked all I could see was clutter. But that was also a reflection of how I felt inside. When my environment is messy and chaotic, I can’t feel peaceful on the inside either. And I wasn’t. Practically every horizontal surface had stacks of paper, supplies, magazines, clippings, and books.
One of my strengths per the “Strengths Finders” test is “Input” which in my own words means I’m a collector of information…articles, recipes, coupons, receipts, books and book titles, basically anything I think I might need in the future for later reference. I am still working through how this is working in me as a strength, because it often serves as a liability, as it creates stacks (and at times boxes) of clippings and pages of “useful” information just waiting to be put into the perfect organizational system.
I had deadlines for work. Writing deadlines were impending. Company was coming into town. And I was paralyzed by both the external chaos around me, and the internal chaos I felt swirling around my mind like a cyclone.
I set a time limit for myself and began the task of cleaning up my surroundings. But it seemed that for each pile I worked through, I found two more I had squirreled away elsewhere. I felt like a runner who was nearing the finish line, only to find out that the finish line had been moved.
It was about that time that my husband walked in to ask a question, and the dam broke, catching him completely unprepared. Had I received bad news? Was I physically injured?
I tripped over my words and stumbled over my tears as I recounted the last two hours of physical labor in an effort to clear my mind. And then what I said next surprised us both. “What’s worse is that not only do I look around and I don’t see any progress, but why is it the same way spiritually?”
“What do you mean?”
I whispered, “It just seems like I’m not making any progress.”
“Oh Honey, you’re making progress. I see it. The Holy Spirit is really working in you. It just takes time. God sees it, and it pleases Him.”
He went on to remind me of changes in me from a year ago, and how I’m quicker to recognize things now and make them right.
“You’re right. I just wish it was faster.”
Lasting growth, transformation is usually a process. It takes time. Like moving a mountain, one small stone (or stack of paper) at a time. It’s hard to appreciate the change while it’s happening. It is only after the work is finished, when we are able to look back, that we can appreciate the journey and the lessons learned along the way.
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 NKJV
What kind of change are you going through now? Are you surrendering to the process or fighting it?