Sleep was in short order the night before.
I had just gotten in from one trip, unpacked, thrown the laundry in the wash and started packing for the next trip.
Tripping over the dog, (who I’m not sure but I think only had one eye open herself that morning), I spilled my coffee on my cream skirt as I dashed out the door for an early morning patient.
Would my patient notice the coffee dribble down my skirt?
Who was I kidding? I would notice it all day long whether I held my notepad there or not. But there was no time to change my clothes. I had a double load of patients to see that day since I would be out the rest of the week while I was attending a mental health conference across the country.
I pulled out of the garage sharply just missing the garbage can my son hadn’t put away the night before. As I pressed the remote control then pressed it again, the garage door didn’t go down but my tears did.
“Lord, we aren’t going to have a day like this today, are we?”
I sensed His swift answer in my spirit, “I don’t know. Are we? It’s your choice…”
“I suppose it is.” The tears continued to roll. It wasn’t about the dog or the coffee or the garage door…it was about the major life stressors those minor incidents represented. “I suspect what you’re really saying is that you want me to trust you, right?”
I pictured a Heavenly nod and a Fatherly smile, although I was not yet smiling, for tears were still flowing through my exhaustion and frustration.
“What do you want me to trust you for, Lord?”
It was as if I heard Him answer in my spirit, “What is it that you need, Child?”
My answer was slow to come. I was much more accustomed to praying for the needs of others than I was for myself.
What was it that I needed?
I needed peace. I needed God to be my Jehovah Shalom, my giver of peace.
I desperately needed Him to be my provider…my Jehovah Jireh.
Along with that, I needed Him to fight these looming battles. I needed Him to be my Jehovah Nissi, my battle fighter.
Was that all?
I needed to know that while people may desert me, He would never leave me. I needed Him to be my Jehovah Shammah, the Ever-Present One.
In myself, I was sinful and imperfect. I needed Him to be Jehovah Tsidkenu, our righteousness.
Feeling lost and in need of direction, I needed Him to provide that for me. I needed Him to be Jehovah Rohi, my Good Shepherd.
“Anything else, Child?”
If I was going to be completely honest with Him, and I might as well be because He knew anyway, I needed His healing touch. I needed Him to be Jehovah Rophi, my healer.
In that early morning exchange, He helped me to see I can trust Him to be all I need Him to be.
What do you need to trust God to be for you today?
Because of Him, Hope Prevails!
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