It is not uncommon in Christian circles and church environments, to hear talk regarding healing father wounds. However, I have rarely heard much discussion about healing mother wounds. I recently had the opportunity to discuss this need and notion for healing mother wounds with Aliene Thompson on Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson (Hope for Healing Mother Wounds). After our discussion, I asked Aliene if she would join us here to discuss four steps to healing mother wounds. I pray you will be as blessed by her contribution as I have been.
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4 Steps to Healing Mother Wounds
by Aliene Thompson
Wounds from mothers are often unintentional yet if left unattended can yield the fruit of shame, insecurity, and dysfunctional relational and generational patterns. I know this. I have been there and here is what I discovered: God is not just my Good Father he is my nurturing mother. Only God heals that soul hurt in such a way a new fruit emerges: his agape love for ourselves and others.
Trading my childhood self-reliance survival mechanisms for childlike faith was the key to find healing. With vulnerability comes victory. Where can you begin this journey to healing mother wounds? In John 15, Jesus taught us to abide.
Here are four steps to consider from John 15 to receive nourishment for your soul and power to create new legacies for future generations.
Healing Mother Wounds in 4 Steps:
1. Attach. You must detach to attach by turning your trust to the Lord. John 15:1-2
In John 15 Jesus describes himself as the True Vine and people as branches. There were healthy branches and also unhealthy branches. But either way, Jesus makes this truth clear: branches cannot nourish you – only the True Vine.
Your mom was a branch and so are you. All the anger and the therapy will not change this reality. Healing happens not when your mom changes but when you release her and realize that Jesus is the True Vine.
Romans 11:17 says our faith in Christ “grafts” us into the True Vine. What a blessed truth. But if we are still looking to people to fill our need to be nurtured, we are trusting the wrong source. Even the healthy branches had to be pruned. How do you detach? You must courageously accept the truth that your mother did not have the capacity to nourish you the way God intended and forgive her. It is when we release others our hands are free to receive from God. When we don’t look to the Lord to find nourishment, our souls will seek it elsewhere which can create unhealthy relationship patterns in our life.
2. Abide – You must rise up against lies with truth by spending time in God’s presence. (John 15:3-5)
From the time you were born into a family, you marinated in messages from your environment sent through the actions and words of those around you. Sometimes the messages were said directly, and other times they were communicated through actions. As the actions of others played out before you, over time these messages created patterns in your thinking. It is not your fault these messages are having an impact on your life. Our thoughts impact our feelings and drive our actions.
While all this is not your fault, blaming those who sent you those messages will not heal you. Blaming others over and over again keeps you in bondage as you agree with the lies. But there is a solution. God in his great love has given us a way out. You can rise up and challenge those lies by marinating in the truth of your new identity as a child of God.
The more you marinate in God’s message through spending time in his Word, the more you will be able to recognize what messages from others are lies that do not line up with the truth about who you are as God’s child. The Nourish Bible Study Method can help you begin this journey.
3. Ask – You must begin a bold prayer life for yourself (John 15:7-8).
Praying requires childlike faith. It is one of the best steps you can take to heal your mother wound because you are admitting your need for God. When you pray you are receptive to receiving. In your past, you may have expressed needs to your mother that were not met. You may have felt shame and believed this lie: my needs are not important. But Jesus invites us to pray in his name! What that means is that we pray based on who is not on what we believe we deserve. Examine your prayer life. How do you pray for yourself? When you ask and then receive from God your trust, intimacy, and dependency on God grows as your self-, and unhealthy people dependence fades.
4. Act – You must put action to your faith by following the promptings of the Holy Spirit (John 15:9-17).
Part of abiding is following Jesus by putting our faith into action. There is a difference between being a child of God and being led as a child of God. The difference between watching the ministry of the Holy Spirit and wading deep to soak in those life-giving waters is vulnerability and trust. Often we self-sabotage our success, by surrendering to the lies we believe in our past instead of listening to the Holy Spirit and letting him lead us.
God’s design for family establishes a framework that creates a place of rest, solace, and love—a refuge from the storms of life. Sadly, under the weight of a broken world, the experiences most of us have with families is fractured rather than whole, distorted rather than ideal. Every woman has an imperfect family.
But even in the brokenness of our own family frameworks, the gospel message pierces through those cracks when we look to Jesus. Redemption. Forgiveness. Adoption. Unconditional love.
Let the fractures be the very parchment upon which Jesus writes his story of redemption, illustrating it with your life as you abide in his love and share this love with others.
Copyright 2019 Treasured Ministries
Aliene Thompson is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the creator of the Nourish Bible Study Method and the author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. Aliene describes herself as a biblical soul strategist, which means that she helps women transform their lives by changing their approach to Bible study and by educating them on how timeless biblical truths heal soul hurts. She is passionate about helping women uncover how timeless biblical truths heal soul hurts. Aliene is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill with a Bachelor of Arts degree in communication studies.
To connect with Aliene Thompson, Treasured Ministries, visit: Website / Facebook / Instagram
Dear Michelle.. Thank you with all my heart. This Mother’s Day was really hard and having a strained relationship with my 4 boys has caused me much heartache and many tears.. All 4 of the Mother Wounds really spoke to my heart and are a true encouragement for where I am at right now.. Thank you once again for sharing from your heart.. Blessings Dear Sister In Christ.. Beth
Dear Dr. Michelle, so thankful for your message through the interview and now for Aliene sharing these 4 steps to healing mother wounds. Oh how I yearn for that healing to take place totally. I will follow these helpful steps and I know I will experience total healing. Thanks to both of you for being loving and transparent with us. I love and appreciate you both.
Beautiful and encouraging! Thank you for sharing on an important topic that is not often discussed.
This is so good, and especially that what we learn or take on is unintentional, our mothers went through a lot we never realize until we are older.
Sadly, many of us do need practical steps to help us heal from mother wounds. Healing from abuse and trauma is not easy. There isn’t a quick fix. Lies that have been drilled into you for over 35 years don’t just go away overnight. But healing is possible with Jesus and I am so thankful for that! Thanks for sharing these practical steps to healing on Grace & Truth.