The end of Daylight Savings Time has just ushered in shorter days and early darkness. More people suffer with depression during this time of year than any other. I don’t believe it’s because their condition is any different now, but that they are more aware of their circumstances.
My son has been playing Christmas carols for two weeks already, when we’ve only just now turned the page on the calendar to November. When I wondered aloud about his holiday enthusiasm, he professed that this is his favorite time of year.
This caught me by surprise because his emotional tenor changes very little no matter how great the gifts he is given. Yet the more I prompted, the more I heard of his enjoyment of the lights, the food, the family time, and fun.
The commercialism of the holiday season brings with it a tendency to focus on what we don’t have and what we want rather than a true emphasis on all we already possess. Looking at others, what they possess, or how they act can lead to a slippery slope down to the blues. Sometimes we feel deflated when the holidays don’t go as we expected.
I made a decision a few years ago to let others off the hook. When I maintained expectations of others over the holidays, I was invariably disappointed and prone to the post-holiday blues. Yet, when I surrendered my expectations, I could enjoy living in the moment.
While in years past, I would have met Christmas carols in October with disdain, I can now appreciate the joy and enthusiasm my son brings to the pre-holiday season. Don’t be surprised if you run into me and hear me humming “Jingle Bells.” But almost two months before Christmas, you won’t catch me singing “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas!” 😉
What expectations do you need to surrender this holiday season?
Decades come and go, and life changes. My time of playing family hostess and offering my home as the center of family holiday activities is now over. I remember taking that baton from my own mother, and it has now been passed to my sons. And I learned, from watching my dear just-departed mother-in-law change through the seasons of her life, that it’s the people, the relationships, and time spent together that matters. It doesn’t matter what day it is. So as my children grew to adults, collected their own in-laws and began their own families, there was no need to fight over who spent what time with whom. Sometime during the holiday seasons, please share some time with me. Come on over, let’s share a wonderful meal together. I’ll even cook. And I will love spending that time with you. If you plan something at your home, I’d love to be included. But if on the “big day” someone else’s home and plans call you, that’s OK too.
Looking back on “my time” for those things–cooking all those meals and building our family traditions–I guess I wish I could have been more of a Mary and less of a Martha. I wish I had been better at including my two boys in the preparation and sharing of the effort that such days require instead of doing it all myself and not being as available to them as much as I might have been. But God is good. I watch them now at large family gatherings, such as at my Mom-in-laws recent memorial service, and I watch them serving. Pitching in. Doing the right things. And I am so proud of them.
Mary Lee, It sounds to me like you have maintained a very healthy attitude about the holidays which must decrease tension and in turn make it easier for everyone involved! I can relate to the pull between being a Mary and Martha, as I’m sure many women can. Despite that pull, it appears that your boys learned a valuable lesson in serving. You should be proud!