A Recovering Perfectionist
I’m a recovering perfectionist. I have to say “recovering” because I’m not sure I am able to try to let go of that tendency in any way other than perfectly. Even as I try to disentangle myself from those inbred perfectionistic ways, I find myself wondering if I am doing it good enough?
Perfectionism is usually rooted in shame and fear. For many, the striving for perfection is an attempt to cover up in some other area. For some it’s fear of being found “not good enough.” For others it’s an attempt to secure acceptance, or love. For others, it comes from guilt or feeling flawed and unworthy.
For most of my life, I wore the label “perfectionist” with pride. I saw it as a good thing. I saw it as a goal to which all should attempt to obtain. If I was a perfectionist, then perhaps others would equate that with being dependable, reliable, even desirable.
There came a time in my life when circumstances overtook me, and not only could I not maintain my attempts at perfection, but I was unable to do very little at all, certainly not at such a high standard. I was devastated. I didn’t know how to accept imperfection from myself.
If I couldn’t accept an imperfect me, I reasoned surely others wouldn’t either. Sadly, some didn’t.
The good news is, God accepts me and all my imperfection. I am not perfect, but when he looks at me, He sees the perfection of His son, Jesus Christ. He sees me not as I am, but as I am becoming. Becoming more like Him.
Furthermore, while I am still learning, I am grateful that God’s word says we already have everything we need for life and godliness: “By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.” (2 Peter 1:3 NLT)
Have you ever felt as if you weren’t good enough? Can you begin to see yourself as God sees you?
You Are Already Perfect in His Eyes
Oh goodness, in answer to your last question, not feeling good enough seems to be a theme in my life. I struggle with perfectionism, too. And I had to chuckle at the truth of you admitting that trying to let go of it in a perfect way is also a symptom! The problem, too, with perfectionism is that we are always having to face our imperfections. Then, to the burden of perfectionism we can add the onus of discouragement and self-judgment.
The only way to break this cycle is to see ourselves through Jesus. Sinners, unworthy but deemed worthwhile, saved through grace into His righteousness. Amen to that.
GOD BLESS!
Sharon, you are so right that with the burden of perfectionism comes discouragement and self-judgment. These are all tools of the enemy to take our focus OFF Jesus. So you were so right in saying the ONLY way to break this cycle is to see ourselves through Jesus! I’d love to hear your thoughts about how to do that. Many need to know that. Thanks for stopping by!
I’ve DEFINITELY felt as if I wasn’t good enough! I was bullied up until the 11th grade and I was painfully shy, but in college I made myself open up more. It was incredibly hard and I still have some improvements, but I love how much I’ve changed!
cuppablacktea.com
Shelby, I’m so glad you stopped by and commented (and I like your website too!!). I can relate to bullying leading to shyness. Those are both tactics the enemy uses to try to steal our voice. And then he makes us feel like we aren’t good enough, or our thoughts and feelings worthy, if we aren’t perfect. I’d love to hear more about how you changed! Many are in need of that kind of testimony. I’m so glad to hear that in your life, Hope Prevailed! Blessings to you.
I think it has been the hardest part of my journey with Jesus, truly seeing myself as God sees me. Its truly unfathomable, but I have worked on my self deprecation a lot since choosing to follow Christ!
Oh Tara Joy, (I LOVE your name!!), I think that for so many, truly seeing themselves as God sees them IS the hardest part. If we see ourselves as God sees us, we are less susceptible to seeing ourselves through our own eyes or those of our enemy. Praise God that you’ve first chosen to follow Christ, and second are learning to see yourself as God sees you. You are astonishingly loved!
Hi Michelle, just discovering your beautiful blog. Such a blessing to read you and specially, this article on perfectionnism. I have a request. Can I translate it in french ? I plan to post something on my website about perfectionnism connected to writing and identity. I write an article and then give some ressources to my readers. My blog is small and I’ve been reactivating the website after a long time of “sleep”. Now, by adding some posts to my own text, I want to add value to people like you who are doing a wonderful job. By translating, I can reach women who are frenchspeaking christian women of faith, dedicated to writing or called to write. Please feel free to visit it and have a look on the menu dedicated to my english and american friends. (Ruth et Noémie in english)
I know that we just connected today, so pray about it. My purpose is really to bless women in their journey as writers and built a community with honest and faithful relationships. I don’t look for number.
Quality, integrity and respect are my core values.
Be blessed specially in this time (I know you just said goodbye to a dear friend).
God bless you.
Annie MOULIN STEFFEN.
http://www.alliance-ruthetnoemie.org
As I was reading down through this amazing blog I thought, she read my mail!!! I have lived with this perfectionism all my life. I don’t know when I first thought I had to be perfect to be loved. I was a bit spoiled as the only child and grandchild for 6 years. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and they loved me so much and did everything for me. Then my brother and sister came along. I truly became a mama for them as my mom suffered with depression all my life but seriously when I was a child. She even had to have shock treatments. Back then I didn’t know that was what was wrong with her. I just knew she was in bed a lot. So I became mom for the kids. I always tried to be so good for dad since he had mom to take care of and I was a bit afraid of him too, which I knew isn’t unusual but I had to be perfect so I didn’t disturb him and make him mad. So fear was also my constant companion for about 40 years. Oh I could relate to your message so much. Like reading my own story. I am free now of the fear and still working on the perfection part but doing so much better at it. So thankful the Lord sees me as perfect because of Jesus my Savior and Lord. Your blogs always encourage me and this one was a great encouragement. Love you Dr. Michelle and appreciate your help so much!! Praying for you!!