The theme of my new book, Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted, is that we will all go through painful trials during which we become wounded physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually or some combination, but that in the hands of a good and faithful God, our pain can be redeemed and produce good from it. On a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective Podcast, I chatted with Jody Allen about the pain and woundedness (and resulting sacred scars) she experienced as a result of her husband’s addiction to pornography. This issue is rampant in our society today. So, Jody is sharing helpful signs your husband may be addicted to pornography.

7 Signs Your Husband Might Be Addicted to Pornography
By Jody Allen

Long before the Covid pandemic swept across the world, another pandemic was creeping into hearts and homes. Millions of marriages are plagued every day when pornography steals the eyes and hearts of hardworking, loving husbands.

Pornography use is widespread due to its 24/7 availability at the click of a button. Cell phones make porn access as convenient as our back pocket. In fact, 1 in 5 mobile searches are for pornography. With such easy access, it’s no wonder pornography addiction is breaking hearts and homes.

No wife thinks it will happen to her. That’s what I thought as pornographic images flashed across our home computer screen. Stunned by the unwelcome pictures, I wondered, “How did I miss the signs?”

Is your husband addicted to pornography?

These signs could be an indicator that pornography is affecting your relationship.

1. Staying up after you go to bed
We all take work home from time to time. Working from home can make it difficult to turn off your work brain and turn on your home brain. If your husband frequently stays up to work after you go to bed, it could mean he’s a hard worker or something on his computer could be luring him away. Going to bed alone is a lonely way to live.

2. Spending a lot of time in the bathroom
We all want a little privacy in the privy. No one wants a two-year-old busting through the door. Perhaps your husband spends an extended amount of time in the bathroom with the door locked. He could simply be a modest guy. Or he might be watching pornography.

3. Not making eye contact
Have you noticed your husband avoids eye contact with you or others? When we feel shame, locking eyes with another person can make us feel uncomfortable. Shame is a powerful weapon used by the enemy to isolate us. Yes, your husband could be hiding the details about your surprise birthday party, or he may feel too ashamed by his pornography use to look you in the eye.

4. Change in sex drive
Long gone are the days when you enjoyed intimate time together. Nowadays, you feel rejected or unwanted. If that’s the case, pornography may be meeting his sexual needs. It’s difficult to enjoy sex with a real person after consuming pornography, so he avoids intimacy altogether.

Or he may have an increased interest in sex in hopes of recreating the thrill of pornography. For the record, you don’t have to try to compete with pornography. Accommodating his whims will not make the problem go away.

5. Having trouble with arousal
When the body receives a high amount of pleasure from pornography use, it makes a real-life intimate situation with his wife less stimulating. The more often pornography is consumed, the less appealing an encounter with his wife becomes. Certainly, there are medical concerns or medications that can cause arousal issues. Pornography use can be one of those concerns.

6. Emotionally distant
What three words would you use to describe your relationship? If disconnected, detached, or avoidance is one of them, you might be lacking emotional intimacy.

Pornography doesn’t require emotional intimacy. There is no give and take. It’s all take. If you feel like you’re the one carrying the conversation or asking the questions, or he seems antisocial in social settings, pornography could be the culprit.

7. Mood swings
Depression, anger, defensiveness, withdrawal and irritability could be signs that pornography is lingering in the background. These symptoms aren’t exclusive to pornography addiction. A legit medical issue could be present. ADHD is an often-overlooked coexisting condition with addiction. A trip to the doctor might be in order.

If you’re experiencing these signs, it may be time to start a conversation. Ask some questions. Install a filter. Ensure computer screens are visible. Go to bed at the same time. Leave phones outside the bathroom. Institute date night. Pray together. Go to counseling.

One thing is certain, pornography addiction will not go away without help. Please don’t walk the road alone. If you discover pornography in your relationship, tell a trusted person. A pastor, friend, counselor, family member.

While pornography can plague your marriage, it doesn’t have to destroy your marriage. There is hope! Matthew 19:26 says all things are possible with God. Nothing is too hard for Him. No addiction, hard heart, or pandemic. He is our hope and our help.

 

 

For more encouragement about how God never wastes our pain, pick up a copy of Sacred Scars: Resting In God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted.

 

About Jody Allen

Jody Allen, authorJody Allen serves as the Director of Women’s Ministry at her church, where she offers hope and a dose of humor to women in her church and community. Ten years in ministry has allowed her the opportunity to teach workshops, lead small groups, speak at women’s events, and walk alongside women in crisis. Jody’s goal is to point women to Jesus in a relatable and authentic way.

Connect with Jody Allen: Website / Facebook / Instagram

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise that Your Pain is Not Wasted

Now Available for Pre-Order

Your ragged and torn past may be the key to God's future for you.

 

We all endure trials, pain, and hardship in this life. Too often we believe these experiences disqualify us from being useful to God. But the truth is, your past pain and brokenness serve as preparation for what God wants to do in and through you – if you will surrender to and trust him.

Just as Jesus’s scars didn’t disappear after his resurrection, our emotional or physical scars tell our story and lend credence to our testimony of God’s love and power. If you are ready to turn your past pain into present comfort and future hope, let Dr. Bengtson be your compassionate guide.

Free Bonus Gifts available when you Pre-Order by June 24, 2024.

Find out more and pre-order here: Sacred Scars

 

Long before the Covid pandemic, another silent threat was creeping into homes. Millions of marriages are affected when pornography steals the eyes and hearts of loving husbands. If you've noticed your husband staying up late or being emotionally distant, it might be more than just stress. Learn the 7 signs that could indicate your husband is addicted to pornography and how you can address this issue together. Don't ignore the signs—click to read more and take the first step towards healing your marriage!

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