Amid our Sacred Scar Story Series on Your Hope-Filled Perspective podcast, I had the opportunity to chat with Julie McLaughlin who was once an unwed mother who made the difficult decision to put her child up for adoption. We chatted about that painful wound in her past, and how over the next forty years God brought a beautiful sacred scar in its place. If you missed that episode, you can listen here (How To Find Healing After an Unplanned Pregnancy and Adoption – Episode 279.) I’ve asked Julie to share a bit of her story with you here, to encourage you that God is in the details, and nothing is impossible with Him.

The Revealing was So Healing: A Birth Mother’s Journey of Faith
by Julie McLaughlin

Do we share a story?

Were you a woman who made the very difficult decision to place your baby for adoption years ago? Are you a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy, or do you have a friend in this situation? Perhaps you are someone who has harbored a secret for many years, afraid to reveal some truth that you feel will bring shame or embarrassment. Are you living in fear with a scar that you feel has held you back from walking your best life and path?

If you are any of these people, I see you, I feel you, and I support you. I was there. And, I survived. Not only did I survive, but the decision I made in my circumstance as an unwed pregnant teenager, with the help, support, and guidance of my parish priest – to place my child for adoption – was the best choice I could have made, and the blessings I have received as a result are nothing short of a miracle. I placed my son in God’s Hands and had to believe that I had done the right thing in the best interest of the child.

It takes time.

With faith, all things are possible.

I believe this, because I lived it.

For over forty years, I harbored a secret from most of the people in my life – including my two daughters – about the “big brother” they had, but whom we knew nothing about. Living my life with such a monumental secret was hard – I even questioned whether my whole life was one big lie.

In 2018, forty years after handing my newborn over to his parents, the son I never knew contacted me through an Ancestry service and Facebook. I had married the father of that boy, and, when he found me, he also found his birth father and two biological sisters. Now a 40-year-old officer in the Navy, he was compelled to learn about his roots after he had adopted a daughter of his own.

My husband and I were shocked and surprised when this call came out of nowhere and blew up our wonderful, regular, normal retired life. At first, we did not know what to do, how to react. Would we continue to keep this a secret? We could have done that! Our son made it perfectly clear that his reason for reaching out was to let us know he was okay and that he had a great life. In no way did he want to intrude or upend our life. We could have said, “Hey, great information! Thanks for contacting us. Have a good life.” That could have been the end. We asked ourselves, “What is the right thing to do?” After much prayer and valuable and much-needed open lines of communication back and forth – before we even told anybody he had located us – we realized there was a mutual understanding that we would like to meet and get to know one another. After meeting him, and with a plan to move forward in place, we realized and decided it was time to reveal our past secret to our world.

The chains were removed, and we could – after all these years – talk about it. The “talking about it” healed me in ways I did not even know needed healing. I was astounded to finally learn that I had suffered depression and post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of the trauma. I had kept it all bottled up for years. And so had my husband. We shared feelings with each other that had never – in all those years – been discussed. He did not want to make me hurt more. I thought he had forgotten the birthdate. A huge weight was removed from our shoulders, and we both felt relieved. Really, truly, relieved. We did not even know that that was even possible. “The revealing was so healing.”

When we told our daughters about their big brother, one said, “Why in the world did you never tell us? What did you think we would do, say, feel?” I could only respond: Fear, shame, embarrassment, what would people think, how would my life change? Thankfully, and I truly believe it was with God’s infinite love, grace and mercy poured upon all of us, our daughters responded with love and open arms.

In my first book entitled, “The Gift of Time: A Birth Mother’s Memoir” I take my readers along the journey of meeting our son and his family and welcoming him into our life. I introduced him to the world. I showed the world the miracle that became of my decision all those years ago.

If you have been sad or struggled over the years with a past you think is unredeemable, I am here to tell you that you can steer your journey to happiness, joy, and healing.

I truly believe that there is enough love to go around if we are selfless, open to new norms, and willing to communicate and listen. I truly believe God has a plan for each of us and that if we are willing to follow His plan, you may find peace in whatever decision you made. There is hope in what appears to be an otherwise hopeless situation. With time, our greatest wounds can provide an opportunity to minister to those facing a similar circumstance.

After my book came out, I had the opportunity to meet other birth mothers, adopted children, adoptive parents, and other folks who have had similar stories. It is a comfort to know there are other people who have faced the same struggles as I did. Just talking about it and sharing similar stories is like a great counseling session.

On a practical note, please know that there are programs and places available to the woman facing an unplanned pregnancy in all areas of the country. I hope you feel comfortable enough to reach out to your pastor, minister or priest, counselor, or a good friend. Or someone wonderful like Dr. Bengtson!

For 40 years, she kept a secret from her past—until a single call changed everything. Discover how revealing the secret brought unexpected healing and strengthened her faith. Share on X Have you ever hidden a painful truth? This birth mother did, until the past found her. See how sharing her secret healed her in ways she didn’t even know needed healing. Share on X

 

 

About Julie McLaughlin

Julie McLaughlin is a retired paralegal and legal secretary. She won numerous awards during her career in the legal field, and she is very active in her church. “The Gift of Time: A Birth Mother’s Memoir” is Julie’s first book about her adoption journey. She and her husband, Mike, have been married for 43 years.

Connect with Julie: Facebook 

 

 

 

 

Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise that Your Pain is Not Wasted

Now Available!

 

We all endure trials, pain, and hardship in this life. Too often we believe these experiences disqualify us from being useful to God. But the truth is, your past pain and brokenness serve as preparation for what God wants to do in and through you – if you will surrender to and trust him.

Just as Jesus’s scars didn’t disappear after his resurrection, our emotional or physical scars tell our story and lend credence to our testimony of God’s love and power. If you are ready to turn your past pain into present comfort and future hope, let Dr. Bengtson be your compassionate guide.

Find out more and order here: Sacred Scars