“I think it’s time for a change,” he relayed, with a mixture of frustration, anger, and weariness written across his face.
I had sensed it for a long time, but had been waiting for confirmation from the Lord.
Maybe I had that all along, but fear of change kept me from acknowledging it. I can’t really be sure.
Can I be honest? I think I have a tendency to get caught up in the obsession of sameness.
The radiation technician’s smile was comforting as she held my hand to steady me as I got down on the cold, hard “bed.” She very calmly explained each step of the procedure to me. She didn’t know my professional background, or that I knew the intricacies of this procedure. Nor did she know that I needed the assurances as a patient rather than a doctor that day.
“I’m going to leave you, but I’ll be able to hear you from behind the wall if you need anything. The machine will tell you when to breathe and when to hold your breath.” No sooner had she said that and I realized I had already been holding my breath, for what seemed like days.
Ever since my doctor informed me, “We need to run a few more tests to get a better idea of what’s causing your pain,” I had been holding my breath…waiting.
Recently a reader contacted me after having read one of my blog posts. In part she said, “Is God not cruel? I very much see God as cruel. He took the life of the only person in this world that loved me. My husband, by the way, was a very healthy man. Destroyed my life and now has made me sick. I have no money or insurance. This has been going on now for six years. Is that not cruel?
Tears fell from my eyes as I hung up the phone from my physician. He was compassionate and kind, and I could tell he felt bad that there was only so much he could do to ease my pain and suffering while we searched for answers.
Friends had been texting, “Have you heard anything?” “What’s the latest?”
I sat for a moment blinking back the tears as my phone pinged to alert of another message coming in.
“I can’t handle any more,” I typed in response to a friend’s request for an update.
That’s just it. People, Christians included, often say that God won’t give you any more than you can handle, but that’s just not true. We’ve gotten it all wrong.
Have you ever worried about every day essential needs, like water, food, health? Have you ever been discouraged by the facts surrounding your circumstances? Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear stemming from not knowing how you would survive what appeared to be a devastating situation?
I’ve been there.
Have you ever thought about the fact that God wants to give you good things? Do you ever question His goodness? Like when your prayer isn’t answered the way you had hoped, or the job didn’t come through that you desired, or when a friend leaves your life?
If you follow any of my social media posts, you probably know that I am a bit of an animal lover—especially small dogs. We have a new family member within the past few months: a four pound, two and a half year old Pomeranian, we have affectionately named Selah. She has stolen not only my heart but that of many who have met her…