“I’m feeling terrible—I couldn’t feel worse! Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember? When I told my story, you responded; train me well in your deep wisdom. Help me understand these things inside and out so I can ponder your miracle-wonders. My sad life’s dilapidated, a falling-down barn; build me up again by your Word. Barricade the road that goes Nowhere; grace me with your clear revelation. I choose the true road to Somewhere, I post your road signs at every curve and corner. I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me; God, don’t let me down! I’ll run the course you lay out for me if you’ll just show me how” (Psalm 119: 25-32 MSG).
During a time in my life when I was at a particularly low point, I was unable to do very little. I could not get up and go to work as I was accustomed. I was unable to care for my family. Even showering and dressing took more energy and effort than I could summon. I was so sick that I was tethered to an IV for hydration, nutrition, and pain relief. All I could do was sleep, listen, and read.
While my physical body was in such great pain that I longed for relief, my emotional state plummeted from the daily toll the pain, the isolation, and the change in my abilities took on my esteem and my identity.
I spent hours alone, although not really alone. I prayed for what seemed like hours. Where one prayer left off, the next began. It was a time in my life that I despised, yet at the same time cherished.
I hated my weakened state. I couldn’t stand being unable to do all the things I was accustomed to doing. I regretted being dependent on others for help when I was used to being a strong, independent woman. During this time I clung to God with every ounce of my being.
The longer I remained in this condition, the more I began to cherish the time I had in God’s presence. I valued the opportunity to sit, listen, and learn more intently than I ever had before. I appreciated the stillness and the quiet, for I could hear God’s voice more clearly. I began to savor every verse that seemed to jump off the page as if it was speaking directly to my heart’s cry… like it was written just to me.
I wrote each of those special verses down on a post-it note, and put the notes up in my room as reminders of God’s warnings, promises, and admonitions to me. I put the notes on my bedposts, lamp shades, closet door, dresser drawers, and even my IV pole! By having the visible reminder of His word to read at a glance, it encouraged me of how He had carried others through difficult times in the past. It also assured me that He could and does still act in such amazing ways today.
If you are at a place in your life where you don’t know what to do, let me encourage you to cling to God. Let Him hold you and answer your heart’s deepest cry. That’s His desire.
Will you let Him?