I’ll confess, I’ve always been more of a Martha wanting to live like Mary. In a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective podcast, I chatted with Katie Reid, author of “Made Like Martha: Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done”. If you missed that episode, you can click here to listen: Hope for Overcoming Perfectionism – Episode 83.
Be sure to read to the end for a book giveaway!
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When you identify with Martha
I spent my earlier years very much like Martha: a Type-A, driven, achiever, and prized myself on how long my to-do list was, and how much of it I accomplished every day. Until one day…I just couldn’t do any more. That began my journey to understand that God loves you regardless of how much you do for Him. He loves you because of whose you are.
After my husband was diagnosed with his third bout of cancer, I did what I had learned as a child to do: I just jumped in with both feet and did more to make up for what he couldn’t do. My work at the private practice became more and more involved until I was working 100+ hours a week for months and years on end. I worked at the office until midnight, ran home, took a shower, and then napped for a couple of hours before returning to the office at three or four in the morning to do it all over again. Until I couldn’t…
One day I was seeing a patient, when all of a sudden I doubled over in severe pain. I’m not sure how, but I got the patient up front for my staff to help, then returned back to my office where I threw up and passed out. About that time my husband walked into the office and acknowledged, “You don’t look good.”
“I don’t feel well. Something isn’t right.” We went to the emergency room, for what began a long five month bout of fighting for my health, and ultimately my life. I endured two surgeries, was put on five months of medically-induced bed rest, was kept alive on IV-hydration and nutrition, and dwindled down from 113 pounds down to a skeletal 74 pounds.
The “Martha” in me was frustrated that I could no longer “do” all the things that needed to be done. I could no longer be the doctor tending to patients because I had become the patient. During those five months, I was forced to become more like Mary: all I could do was sleep, pray, watch sermons online, and listen to praise and worship music 24×7. When I read the account of Jesus visiting the home of Mary and Martha, I always felt a bit of disappointment and discouragement because it felt like Jesus favored Mary and her personality and temperament more than Martha.
Admittedly, I became very frustrated, and told God that “If this is going to be my life, I’m not sure I want to live it.” While I craved physical healing, what God did during that time was a bit of heart and spiritual healing.
When your Mary heart grows in thankfulness
As I lay in my sick bed, my Martha-self grew frustrated at all I was unable to do, while slowly over time, my Mary-heart grew thankful for time to rest in His presence. During those days, weeks, and months when all I could do was rest in Him, I felt like He shared the most precious, and one of the most important lessons with me.
God loves you because of whose you are
I’ve never heard the audible voice of God, but I sensed His whisper in my heart: “Don’t you see? I’ve never loved you for what you do for me. I love you because you’re mine.”
That unconditional love was foreign to me. My entire life I was praised for what I did, not for who/whose I was. But it brought peace as He continued, “If you go back to working 100 hours a week, I won’t love you more. And if you never return to work another day in your life, I won’t love you any less.”
What a gift that was to my weary soul. When I did finally recover, and returned to the practice just a few hours a week at first, I did so out of my love for Him, rather than out of an obligation or striving to earn His love. I didn’t have to because I already had it.
Whether you relate more to Martha or to Mary, please know, He loves you not because of what you do but because of whose you are.
If you’ve ever struggled with a Mary-Martha type tension, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
Book Giveaway!
In conjunction with this post and the podcast interview, Hope for Overcoming Perfectionism – Episode 83, Katie Reid is giving away a free copy of her book, Made Like Martha: Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done.
Leave a comment below sharing with us one thing you learned about how God looks at the tension between Martha and Mary and you will be entered into the contest.
You could also share this blog post on Facebook or Twitter then comment here to tell us where you shared it and you’ll also be entered into the drawing.
The winner will be selected at random and announced next Monday, December 16, 2020, here on this post. Continental United States only.
I can identify with Martha as I was always the one who needed to keep the house picked up and cleaned, with ambitious plans for a garden and also juggling a full time job. After retiring from a stressful job, I found the leisure time full of opportunities to explore the senior center, take classes and start writing a book. It all came to a halt when my knee began to buckle and the diagnosis of osteoarthritis stopped my active lifestyle. During this time of rest and recuperation I’ve found time to read, think and write about my deepest needs and thoughts. It is a welcome time to be open to the Lord and to rest in His care. Being a person with Martha tendencies can be difficult as I must curb my urge to get up and clean as I used to do. God is so wise to limit my mobility and give me an opportunity to dive into His Word each morning and find strength and refreshment awaits me. I may need to read more about the perfectionist tendencies I possess, but I’m learning to be content to be still and reflect on the Lord.
Michelle, i met you on Niki’s Cancer summit, and have been only following you a short time. I have had my own battles with health, but also relationships. I am still in the grief process, as my marriage has become alienated. I have a friend in America who no longer works, has her own physical disability, but serves the Lord through Facebook Groups. (The book will be hers if my response is chosen. I live outside the USA.
Your acronym of TRUST is a practical one.. Looking to Jesus the author and finisher of our Faith continually needs to be our focus, not what we do. Relationship is primary, but we miss it don’t we? we are broken people being made beautiful.
I love this message. I remember you sharing this part of your testimony and thought, gosh Lord, that is how I have always been. For years I said yes to everything they wanted me to do at church and even in my work situation. I didn’t go to the extremes as you did of working so many hours but my focus was how I was ‘needed ‘at my work or at church to the neglect of my hubby and family. I didn’t realize this for a long time but finally I did and took steps to change my attitude and actions to focus on the Lord and just sitting in His presence. I still went to work and did some things at church but I no longer felt the need to do it all to please the Lord but just followed His plans for me. thank you for sharing this. Your insights have helped me so very much and I appreciate all that Katie shared. I am still a bit more of a Martha but I have more of Mary thrown in and there is no competition between the two. I will share this message on Facebook.
Michelle, I was truly blessed by your story! Like you, I have spent much time trying to work “for” God, burning the candle at both ends because I too was praised for my accomplishments, not who I was. It’s a slow process of change, but God is faithful. There is nothing really wrong with Martha, she’s just missing the piece (and peace) that Mary has. Learning to accept that God loves me because I’m His, helps me curb my workaholic tendencies and enjoy more intimacy with Him. Sharing on Facebook and Twitter! excellent post!
No It’s when we elevate Mary above Martha, and Martha above Mary, that we become unbalanced. If you have ever tuned into Michelle’s podcasts, you know that Mary and Martha characteristics are both needed for a productive life where Hope prevails.
I loved this article. I am definitely a Martha. I can’t sit still as I always see something that needs to be done. Plus I am single (widowed) and when I stay busy I do not have to think and hear all the questions and unanswered prayers that haunt my mind. When I finally sit still, I am exhausted and fall asleep. I must learn to “Be still and know I God. I must make peace with who I am and where I am.
I was Martha all my life, overachiever, 80+hours at work. Left my job to take care of my dying mother for 10 years, 24/7. God was there, but I relied on me and what I had saved: money, CDs, IRAs. Used all my money to take care of mom, and used all of me. She died. I had a breakdown that has left me disabled. I’m dealing with disability application process so no income, my friends are keeping me off the street. Even this tablet is not mine. Once I could not be Martha, once nothing was left for me to do, I didn’t even know how to take care of me, bc that had never been on the list. But now, in spite of all the things in my left I can no longer fix, I have God. I’m not cured, I’m flat broke. But I have God. Nothing is worth more than that. He got my attention by taking all the “Martha” away, but what He gave me in return was Himself. Nothing could ever take the place of that. No matter what of my previous security was offered in exchange, I would not give up my relationship with Him. By my old standards, I’m a compete failure. I can’t make me do things anymore. But I’m able to walk with my Father, I am rich. Mary is the better portion.
Sandy You have indeed found the pearl of great price .I have times where my testimony is similar to yours -and then renewed grief hits me like a sledge hammer. I am presently reading Lysa Terkwuest’s book, IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY. So far it’s a very encouraging read.