The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, laughter, and togetherness. But when someone we love is missing from the table, the season can feel anything but merry. Grief during the holidays often feels sharper when there is an empty chair at the table. The empty chair serves as a painful reminder of loss: a loved one who has passed away, a family member who is estranged, or even someone who cannot be with us due to circumstances beyond our control.

If you find yourself facing the holidays with a heavy heart, know this: you are not alone, and there is hope. God is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He promises to comfort those who grieve. While the pain of an empty chair may never fully go away, there are ways to navigate the season with hope, purpose, and even moments of peace.

Acknowledge Your Feelings – God Can Handle Them

I’m not proud of it but the Christmas following my mother’s death when our son was a toddler, I sunk deep into the pit of grief and put away everything that screamed “Christmas” (décor, the tree, gifts, etc.) by 10:00am Christmas morning. It was one of the most painful holidays I’d ever experienced.

Just 18 months or so ago, we celebrated the holidays with an empty seat at the table after losing a very close family friend who was very much like a father figure in my life. We celebrated and yet we simultaneously grieved. This year was the first Christmas that both of my boys weren’t home for Christmas; it certainly didn’t feel like our usual Christmas mornings, but I had learned enough through previous holidays not to try to force something that wasn’t.

Grief is real, and it doesn’t follow a predictable timeline. You don’t have to pretend everything is fine or force yourself to be cheerful for the sake of others. Jesus Himself wept when He saw the grief of His dear friends (John 11:35). God invites us to bring our sorrow to Him, to pour out our hearts in prayer, and to rest in His love. Instead of suppressing your emotions, take them to the Lord. He sees, He knows, and He cares.

Create a Tribute in Their Honor

One way to keep the memory of a loved one alive during the holidays is to incorporate a meaningful tradition in their honor. Light a candle in their memory, prepare their favorite dish, make a photo ornament or two of them to display during the holiday, or set aside time to share stories about them. Writing a heartfelt letter to them or journaling about cherished memories can also be a healing practice. Honoring their legacy allows you to celebrate the impact they had on your life rather than focusing solely on the loss.

Allow Yourself to Experience Joy Without Guilt

It can feel wrong to smile, laugh, or enjoy the holidays when someone you love is no longer there. But joy and sorrow can coexist. Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” It’s okay to experience moments of happiness without feeling like you are betraying their memory. Your loved one would want you to continue living a full and joyful life. And it’s okay if your emotions feel a bit unpredictable, sometimes feeling joy and then feeling pain, loss, or loneliness.

 

 

How to Walk Through Grief During the Holidays With Grace

Sometimes the weight of grief is made heavier by the pressure to make the holidays “perfect.” Give yourself permission to simplify plans, decline invitations if necessary, and create space for rest and reflection. There is no right or wrong way to navigate grief during the holidays. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself grace, and do what feels manageable this year, asking God to guide you.

Serve Others in Their Honor

One of the most healing things we can do when facing an empty chair at the table is to turn our grief into an opportunity to bless others. Volunteering at a shelter, delivering meals to those in need, or even sending an encouraging note to someone who is struggling can be a powerful way to find purpose in the pain. Another option is to invite someone else who is alone or lonely during the holidays to enjoy your company. When we shift our focus outward, we allow God to use us as vessels of His love.

Lean Into God’s Promises

In seasons of loss, we need to cling to the unshakable promises of God. He promises to comfort us (2 Corinthians 1:3-4), to never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6), and to turn our mourning into joy (Jeremiah 31:13). When sorrow threatens to overwhelm you, meditate on His Word. His truth will sustain you, and His presence will be your refuge. Consider writing out encouraging scripture and displaying them around your home, almost like décor, to encourage you through the season whenever you see them.

Finding Hope When There’s an Empty Chair at the Table

The empty chair at the table will always be a reminder of what has been lost, but it can also be a reminder of what remains: the love, the memories, and the promise of eternity for those who are in Christ. Though grief during the holidays may cast a shadow over the season, it does not have to steal the light of hope. God is still writing your story, and He is faithful to bring beauty from ashes. Consider journaling the happy memories of your loved one, and if they are still here but not present during the holidays, send them your pleasant memories for them to enjoy too because they may be missing you as well.

Reflection Question: Honoring the Memory of a Loved One

What is one practical way you will honor the memory of a loved one this holiday season while also allowing yourself to experience joy? We’d love to hear in the comments below.

Call to Action: Finding God’s Comfort while Navigating Grief

If this season is feeling heavy for you, I encourage you to spend time in prayer, seeking God’s comfort and peace. Open His Word and let His promises remind you that you are not alone. If you know someone who is struggling with loss, reach out with a simple message of encouragement. Together, we can walk this journey, holding onto hope and trusting in God’s faithfulness.

Walking With You With Hope,
Dr. Michelle

 

Grief during the holidays can feel sharper when there is an empty chair at the table. God sees your pain and stays close to the brokenhearted. Read more for how to find moments of comfort and hope in His presence. Share on X If the holidays feel heavy because someone you love is missing, you are not alone. God walks with you through every moment of grief and offers hope for the days ahead. Read more for practical ways to honor loved ones this season. Share on X

 

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