How would you cope if your child was incarcerated? As a mother, Shonda Whitworth experienced this very situation. She shared about the painful wounds that resulted from her son’s imprisonment in a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective (How to Heal and Find Hope After an Incarcerated Child’s Trauma – Episode 278), and how over time, God healed her wounds and redeemed the situation for good in multiple ways, leaving her with beautiful sacred scars. I asked Shonda to share some of her hard-earned wisdom.

Unshackling Your Voice: Healing through Vulnerability
By Shonda Whitworth

 

For years, the internal dialogue of not being a good enough mother, or even a good human being, repeated itself day after day. As I took part in conversations with other parents at my younger son’s high school baseball games, the shame dialogue amplified. Inevitably at these games, one mother would start a group conversation by asking, “How many children do you have?”

Oh no! Not this conversation again. Ever since my older son was sentenced to twenty years in prison, such exchanges caused me to rarely participate in community activities. The circle of moms took turns bragging about the successes of their older children, naming the prestigious universities where they were enrolled or their high-paying careers.

With trembling hands, I pulled my ball cap down to the top of my big sunglasses and hoped no one could see the alarm on my face. How would I answer? My oldest son grew up, committed a felony, and is now in the school of hard knocks. He’s earning a twenty-year degree in God’s liberty university. Thankfully, just before it came my turn, CRACK! We separated to move closer to the fence to see the game action and shout for our team. Another conversation about my incarcerated son diverted.

Every time I found myself in these situations, I looked for ways to avoid them. How would I ever answer the how-many-kids-do-you-have question? I couldn’t lie and say, “I only have one son,” when I have two. Shame shackled my voice at public events and restrained me from writing for so many years.

In my book, Appeal to the Courtroom of Heaven: Petitions for Prisoners and Prison Families, I laid bare the hardest season of my life—my son’s incarceration, the most heart-wrenching narrative I’ve ever shared. With every chapter that I drafted, the derogatory murmurs of prior judgments intensified. The thoughts tormented me with the insistent claim that I had failed my son, and I would ruin my other son’s life as well.

Shame attached itself to me as if it were my conjoined twin. I could not escape. It became so much a part of me that I could not separate my authentic thoughts from the thoughts of shame and disgrace

The Lord placed a godly woman in my life who led Celebrate Recovery®, a recovery group for anyone with hurts, habits, and hangups. She continued to invite me to attend the group, but I shrugged off her invitations, allowing the perpetuating cycles of isolation and self-rejection to continue.

Finally, after what seemed like her hundredth time to ask me to attend, I conceded. Later I realized it was a safe place to be healed from all kinds of issues we face in our lives. It was in this support group that I finally opened my mouth and shared my story publicly for the first time with people I did not know—but only because the established environment was a haven for all attendees.

Each one of us needs a safe space to share what’s inside of us. Unbeknownst to me at that time, shame is empowered by silence and isolation. Once I opened my mouth, it felt as if the pressure valve opened, and all that pent-up pressure—fear, anxiety, depression, shame, and guilt—released. This secure environment became a place where I knew I wouldn’t be judged, criticized, or condemned. In exchange, I opened myself up to receive compassion, connection, and understanding from others. This fostered the healing process.

Healing and recovery continue to take place in my life, but it was that singular moment that began my journey toward sharing my story.

If we continually keep shame contained, it grows. By sharing our shameful experiences, shame loses its power.

Jesus endured our shame when he hung on the cross. Hebrews 12:2 says, “Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God (NKJV).

Jesus suffered the most shameful trial a human could ever endure. He was rejected by his own people. Stripped of his clothing and along with it, his dignity. The image of Jesus on the cross with a loin cloth is not the reality of that day. He was beaten beyond recognition and hung naked on a criminal’s cross when he had never committed a crime.

He endured extreme and shameful humiliation for you and for me because he knew what waited for him on the other side of the cross. He suffered with joy because he paid the penalty for all our sins, along with guilt and shame. And he made a way for each one of us to be reconciled to the Father, who wipes away every tear of disgrace.

Shame was conquered on the cross, and with the Holy Spirit residing in us, we can use the Revelation 12:11 key to unshackle our words. The accusing voice of the Enemy wants to silence our voices. But we overcome the accusing voice of shame “by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of [our] testimony, and [we do] not love [our] lives to the death.”

The more you release your voice, the more shame will be conquered. Many times, just by the grace God gives you, when you share your story in a safe place such as with a medical professional or counselor, in a group counseling session, to a friend, or with personal confident that will release the valve and allow the words to start to flow allowing you to conquer shame.

Remember, shame thrives in silence, but it withers in the light of shared experiences. Let your voice be the beacon that guides others out of the shadows. By sharing your story, you not only unshackle yourself but also pave the way for others to find their freedom. Embrace your journey, speak your truth, and watch as the chains of shame fall away, replaced by the light of grace and the strength of community.

So, let us all commit to breaking the silence, for in our shared stories lies the power to heal, to connect, and to overcome. Your voice matters, and together, we can conquer shame.

If this sacred scar story was an encouragement to you, I encourage you to pick up a copy of my newest book: Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted.

(Portions of this piece are excerpts from Unlock the Writer Within: Conquer Overwhelm and Write Your Book, © 2024 Shonda Whitworth. All rights reserved. Used with permission.)

 

Struggling with shame and silence? Discover how sharing your story in a supportive environment can lift the weight off your shoulders and begin your healing journey. @wildgrace #SacredScars Share on X Isolation fuels shame, but connection heals it. Learn how joining a recovery group helped @fortress_hope confront her struggles and find a path to freedom. #SacredScars Share on X

 

About Shonda Whitworth

Shonda Whitworth’s expertise as an author span two decades, from articles to her most heart-wrenching book, Appeal to the Courtroom of Heaven: Petitions for Prisoners and Prison Families. She is a writing and self-publishing coach who nurtures authors visions from manuscript to the marketplace. Discover more at ShondaWhitworth.me.

Connect with Shonda:  Shonda Website / Fortress Website / Shonda Facebook / Fortress Facebook / Shonda Twitter / Fortress Twitter / Shonda LinkedIn / Fortress LinkedIn

 

 

 

Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise that Your Pain is Not Wasted

Now Available!

 

We all endure trials, pain, and hardship in this life. Too often we believe these experiences disqualify us from being useful to God. But the truth is, your past pain and brokenness serve as preparation for what God wants to do in and through you – if you will surrender to and trust him.

Just as Jesus’s scars didn’t disappear after his resurrection, our emotional or physical scars tell our story and lend credence to our testimony of God’s love and power. If you are ready to turn your past pain into present comfort and future hope, let Dr. Bengtson be your compassionate guide.

Find out more and order here: Sacred Scars