The holiday season can be a bittersweet time. While many anticipate festive celebrations, family gatherings, and the joy that the holiday often brings, others are deeply aware of the challenges of holiday grief — the empty chair, a missing smile, or the absence of someone they cherished. Holiday grief doesn’t take a break for Christmas, and for many, this becomes a season of sorrow as the holidays amplify the sense of loss. Yet, even amidst the heartache, there are ways to navigate this time with compassion and find hope and comfort to carry you through.

The Unseen Pain of Grief During the Holidays

Grief is a deeply personal journey. It looks different for each person and varies from year to year, especially during the holidays. Many who are grieving feel an unspoken pressure to put on a happy face or to be “okay” for the sake of others. But the reality is that Christmas can bring a mix of emotions—joy and sorrow, hope and heartache, laughter and tears.

If you’re grieving this season, let me assure you: it’s okay to feel sad, to cry, and to not be in the mood for holiday cheer. Jesus Himself understood grief. In the Bible, we see that He was “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). He wept at the tomb of His friend Lazarus, even though He knew He would raise him from the dead. Jesus isn’t asking you to hide your pain; instead, He invites you to bring it to Him. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

 

 

Practical Ways to Navigate Holiday Grief

If you are facing the holidays with a heavy heart due to holiday grief, here are a few practical suggestions to help you find moments of peace and hope amidst the sorrow:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
   It’s normal to experience a range of emotions during this season, from sadness and anger to nostalgia and even unexpected moments of joy. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling without judgment. Holiday grief is not a linear process; it comes in waves, sometimes catching you off guard. Permit yourself to mourn, knowing that your emotions are a natural response to the love you hold.
2. Simplify Traditions
   The holiday season often comes with expectations—both from ourselves and from others. It’s okay to let go of traditions that feel too painful this year. Perhaps putting up a tree or attending every social gathering isn’t possible. Simplify where you can, and don’t be afraid to create new traditions that honor your holiday grief and your loved one. Maybe it’s lighting a special candle in their memory, donating to a charity they cared about, or writing a heartfelt letter to them.
3. Seek Comfort in God’s Word
   When grief feels overwhelming, turn to Scripture. Turning to Scripture can bring hope and comfort in times of Holiday Grief. God’s Word is filled with reminders of His love and presence, even in the darkest times. Verses like Psalm 23:4, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me,” can be a balm to your soul. Hold onto the promises of God—that He is near, that He is a refuge, and that He brings hope even in sorrow. During grief, sometimes it’s hard to recall scriptures to comfort our hearts. Let me encourage you to pick up a copy of Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right because it’s filled with 90 promises from God to encourage your heart and start your day off focusing on God.
4. Find Moments of Joy, However Small
   It’s okay to have moments of joy amidst grief. Enjoying a favorite Christmas song, taking a quiet walk in nature, or watching the snowfall can be small but meaningful glimpses of God’s goodness. These small glimpses of joy can provide hope and comfort amidst the sorrow. Joy and sorrow can coexist; one does not cancel out the other. These moments of joy are often reminders of God’s grace, showing up in unexpected ways.
5. Don’t Isolate—Reach Out for Support
   Grief can make us want to withdraw, but it’s important to stay connected, even if that connection looks different this year. Share your feelings with a trusted friend, join a grief support group, or seek out a counselor or pastor who understands the gravity of loss and grief. Galatians 6:2 encourages us to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Allow others to walk alongside you in your grief. Keep in mind, however, that because everyone grieves differently, others may not know what you would consider most helpful. Don’t expect them to read your thoughts; share your needs with them and let go of your expectations so you aren’t hurt if they can’t meet your needs at the present time.

 

 

How to Support a Grieving Friend During the Holidays

If you have a friend or loved one who is navigating holiday grief, you might wonder how best to support them. Here are a few ways to offer comfort and encouragement during this tender time:

1. Acknowledge Their Loss
   Sometimes we avoid mentioning a loved one’s absence for fear of making someone sad, but acknowledging the loss can actually bring comfort. A simple, “I know this Christmas must be hard without [their loved one’s name], and I’m thinking of you,” shows that you recognize their pain and are willing to sit with them in it. They don’t want to forget their cherished loved one, and they don’t want others to forget them either.
2. Offer Practical Help
   Grief can be exhausting, making everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Offer practical help like grocery shopping, cooking a meal, or running errands. Perhaps offer to help them decorate their tree, wrap presents, or take their gifts to be mailed to the post office for them. These acts of service can lighten their load, allowing them to focus on what they need emotionally and spiritually.
3. Listen Without Fixing
   One of the greatest gifts you can give a grieving friend is your presence and a listening ear. Listen without feeling the need to offer solutions or platitudes. Sometimes, just being there—without words—can be the most powerful way to show love. Frequently, after the loss of a loved one, your friend may no longer have a special someone to share the trivial events of the day or week with. Take time to listen to conversation about how they are filling their time, or what’s been their hardest challenges during grief, or what concerns they have regarding the future.
4. Invite Them to Participate, Without Pressure
   Extend an invitation to holiday gatherings or church services but do so without expectation. Let them know that they are welcome, but that it’s okay to say no. Respect their boundaries, understanding that what they need may change from day to day. Withhold judgment should they cancel at the last minute, because grief often changes minute to minute and what sounded enjoyable when they accepted the invite might just be the thing that overwhelms them now.
5. Pray for Them, and With Them if They’re Open
   Prayer is a powerful way to support someone who is grieving. Pray for their comfort, peace, and hope. If they’re open to it, offer to pray with them, asking God to be especially near to them during the holiday season. If God brings them to mind during the day, send a simple text offering a word of encouragement or brief prayer right then and there.

 

 

Hope in the Midst of Sorrow

While grief is a heavy burden, Christmas also brings the reminder of hope. Jesus came into our broken world, not to remove all sorrow but to walk with us through it. He is Immanuel, “God with us,” and that promise holds true even in the darkest moments of grief. The beauty of Christmas is that Jesus entered our pain, bringing the light of His presence to a world in need.

If you are navigating holiday grief, know that you are not alone. There is hope beyond the pain, and there is grace for every tear you shed. My prayer for you is that you find hope and comfort in the nearness of God and that you catch glimpses of His love, even in the midst of your season of sorrow.

May this Christmas be a reminder that light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not—and will not—overcome it.

In His Hope,
Dr. Michelle Bengtson

 

Holiday grief doesn’t take a break. For many, this season amplifies loss—but there is hope. Discover ways to find comfort and honor loved ones this season. Share on X Feeling the weight of holiday grief? You're not alone. Learn how to navigate this season of sorrow with compassion and find moments of peace. Share on X

 

 

 

Every day can be a good day when you trust the promises of God.

Today is Going to be a Good Day

Now Available!

My newest book, Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right is now available!

This uplifting devotional helps you make each day a good day no matter what is going on in your life.

When life conspires to drag us down with all of its troubles, it can be hard to keep our spirits up. In times of severe illness and depression, I learned that when I stand on God’s promises, despite my circumstances, every day can be a good day.

Each reading includes Scripture, reflection, prayer, and a recommended playlist song designed to help you live out Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”

 

 

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