Weddings, holiday parties, and birthday celebrations are supposed to be happy and joyous. But for those who are celebrating despite depression, these moments can feel overwhelming. How do we handle celebrations when depression weighs heavy on our hearts?
I remember the year my mother died. Only a few months later, the holidays were upon us, and I sat at the foot of the Christmas tree sobbing. “I’m not ready to be the matriarch of the family!” I couldn’t muster up the happiness, joy, or peace we sung about in the Christmas carols. I just wanted to forget the holiday, and forget my grief, and yet I couldn’t.
Everywhere I looked, reminders declared that Christmas wasn’t merry that year.
That wasn’t the only difficult time, but those times taught me many lessons.
How do we handle celebrations when depression weighs heavy in our hearts?
5 Tips for Celebrating with Depression
1. Give Yourself Grace
I was grieving, and that was okay. When coping with depression during celebrations, it’s essential to give yourself room to process your feelings. I had to acknowledge not just the loss of my mother but also the loss of how I thought the holidays were ‘supposed to be.’ I learned to do what I could and allow myself to accept a less-than-perfect holiday.
2. Determine Your Level of Involvement When Coping with Depression During Celebrations
Whether it’s the holidays, a family gathering, or a friend’s wedding, determine your level of participation when celebrating despite depression. It’s okay to set boundaries and decide what you can manage without overextending yourself. Perhaps you show up at the beginning of the event before the complete crowd is present, then slip out when the noise or activity level become too frenetic. Maybe rather than an extravagant dinner, you opt for appetizers and desserts to shorten the evening. Be as present as possible, while respecting your need to care for yourself.
3. Ask for Help
Share your struggles with trusted friends and family members when handling celebrations with depression. Let them know what support would be helpful. Maybe ask a friend to accompany you to the company Christmas party. Rather than preparing all the food yourself, make it a potluck type affair where others will contribute as well. Determine ahead of time a code-word or signal to let others know when you’ve reached your capacity or need additional support.
4. Remember You Aren’t in This Alone
Depression can feel incredibly isolating, especially during holidays and celebrations. But when you are coping with depression during celebrations, it’s crucial to remind yourself that you are not alone. God has promised to be with you, even in these difficult moments.
5. Keep Your Focus on Others
When participating in celebrations while depressed, it’s easy to turn inward. This makes celebrating even more difficult. Yet Scripture encourages us to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. During these times of celebration, keep your focus on others rather than on your own pain. Consider it a gift for them, knowing that if the tables were turned you’d want them to do the same for you.
Depression is painful, and while others may not always relate to your experience, there are ways to participate in celebrations while depressed. Coping with depression during celebrations doesn’t mean isolating yourself. With these tips for celebrating with depression, you can still find moments of joy amidst the struggle.
A Prayer When Times of Celebration Seem Too Much to Endure
May I pray for you?
Father, I thank you that in your word you tell us “for everything there is a season.” For the one reading these words right now, will you hold them close during this season? When times of celebration seem too much to endure, will you remind them that they are not alone—you have gone before them, and go with them. Weeping may endure for the night, but I ask you to bring them your joy in the morning. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
Struggling to celebrate when you're feeling down? Discover 5 ways to show up for life’s special moments, even while coping with depression. You’re not alone in this journey! #DepressionAwareness Share on X Celebrations can feel overwhelming when depression hits hard, but there are ways to participate with grace. Here are tips for handling celebrations with depression. #DepressionAwareness Share on X
If you are struggling, or know someone who is, I’d love to hear in the comments below what helps you. I’d also encourage you to check out some of my other popular posts about depression.
15 Top Blog Posts on Depression
- 10 Verses of Hope for When You Are Down or Depressed
- Depression Feels Like a Broken Heart
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- Ask Dr. B: When a Spouse Is Depressed
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- 3 Things Depression Does To Us Spiritually
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Resources on Depression: Recommended reading on depression
October is Depression Awareness Month. Would you consider sharing this or my other posts about depression to help educate, and let others know they aren’t alone, and there is help, hope, and healing.
Because I treated patients for 20 years, and then went through a terrible bout of depression myself, I felt compelled to write my award-winning book “Hope Prevails: Insights From a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression” and the companion “Hope Prevails Bible Study” to help others be victorious and overcome.
Depression doesn’t have to become a permanent part of life.
There is hope.
Hope Prevails: Insights From a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression and the companion Hope Prevails Bible Study help the reader understand how depression comes to be, recover their joy, reclaim their peace, and re-establish their true identity, while knowing their worth, remembering their secure destiny, and being confident that nothing separates them from God’s love.
Hope Prevails and the Hope Prevails Bible Study are must-reads for anyone suffering from depression or knows someone suffering from depression.
I can relate to the pain of losing my mom close to holidays. She passed on April 10th, just 8 days before my birthday and mere weeks before Mother’s Day. There were moments I didn’t know if I could endure the pain I felt in missing her and just wanting to hug her close, one more time. It was in those moments that I felt Jesus near! He comes at the perfect moment. He kept reminding me of the peace she had even up to the final breath she took. She talked of the Angel Michael being with her and she lifted her arms in the air as if she was climbing. I know without a doubt in my heart that Jesus was there, reaching out to her. It was beautiful, and I’m so grateful the God allowed me to experience it all. It doesn’t take away the pain I feel in missing her, I miss her every moment of every day. But I have the blessed assurance of knowing that Jesus was there waiting to guide her home.
Rachelle,
I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure this loss. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But I’m so grateful for your testimony of God’s faithfulness to you and your mother. Sending hugs in my prayers.
These are excellent suggestions. I particularly like #1, 2, and 5. I remember feeling similar when my mother died. Giving yourself time and allowing yourself to just feel and grieve is so important. Great tips! I’m Tweeting and Pinning. 🙂
#homemakinglinky
Jennifer,
Thanks so much for your kind words and for sharing. I pray it helps others who are going through a difficult time.
Usually I’m happy during Christmas no matter how Depressed or Manic I am but there was one Christmas where I just wasn’t happy and wasn’t enjoying myself no matter what. I basically did what you said, did the minimum needed for others and took care of myself. I wasn’t Christian then but I’m sure I would have felt better if I had known God was with me.
Thanks for visiting! I hope we see you here again. I’m so glad you’ve still been able to generally maintain your happiness despite a history of depression or mania. I believe knowing God does help us, but even Christians struggle. So I hope my resources help.
Once again, a fantastic post in a practical way to live with depression. I love #5 – sometimes this is the greatest cure for depression for me—to put my focus on others. Posting on my depression/anxiety help boards! Thank you Michelle!
Thanks for visiting Susan. I’m glad this post encouraged you. I so appreciate you posting…together we can help others have the resources that help.
I’ve struggled with #2 and #3 over the years but learning how to do them now, and it is amazing! It doesn’t mean there aren’t hard times–but knowing my limits and reaching out have helped me so much. Thanks for writing about this stuff, Michelle–I appreciate you so much!
Meg, I’m so glad you visited the blog again. I hope we see you here more in the future. I can relate to your struggle, but I’ve also learned to view my healing as a journey or process rather than a one and done experience. That lets me grant myself grace rather than shame when I slip up. There will still be hard times, but what a comfort it is knowing that God is always there with us, using even the hard times for our good and His glory.
I needed to read this. I’ve been thinking about the upcoming holidays and it’s already getting to me. My grandparents and my daddy all died within a year of each other, about 6 years ago. We used to always go to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving and Christmas and it’s just not the same without them. We try to make it fun and festive but it can be hard sometimes. Thanks for this post!
Sarah,
I’m so glad you visited here. I also know how hard the holidays can be when we miss loved ones. Lean in to Him and know that it’s okay to be honest with Him about how you feel, then let Him comfort you through it. With Hope, Dr. Michelle
This is such a great post and I know it will help so many people.
Just wanted you to know that I am featuring you tomorrow at #TuneInThursday 🙂
Thank you for your continued support Debbie! So many need hope!
Great advice! I can relate to each point and know what a difference it makes when I allow myself grace when the holidays are difficult due to loss.
Mary,
Sometimes we’re quicker to extend grace to others, or to suggest that they extend grace to themselves, than we are to do the same for ourselves. But it makes the painful times more bearable when we give ourselves a bit of grace. Blessings friend.