Emotional pain is an inevitable part of the human experience. Whether it stems from a broken relationship, the loss of a loved one, or a traumatic event, emotional pain can be incredibly distressing and impactful on our overall well-being. It is important to recognize that suppressing or ignoring this pain can have detrimental effects on our mental and physical health. Therefore, learning how to effectively deal with emotional pain is essential for our personal growth and resilience.

What is Emotional Pain?

Simply stated, emotional pain is discomfort or mental anguish caused by a negative, nonphysical origin but that continues to replay in our mind, resulting in mental or emotional distress. Emotional pain is the angst that is experienced with the myriad of negative emotions that cause us to question or downplay our value worth or identity. Prolonged emotional pain often precipitates discouragement, depression, anxiety, or despair and frequently leads to self-medicating behaviors such as drinking, reliance on drugs, overspending, and even workaholism at times. The lack of resolution of such feelings can result in chronic emotional pain that continues to play out in other circumstances or areas of life.

We can take comfort in knowing that many biblical greats before us also experienced emotional pain. I think of David, who more than once cried out to God, “Why so downcast, oh my soul?” (Psalm 42:11; Psalm 43:5).

Emotional pain is the suffering we experience as a result of events such as loss, rejection, trauma, or disappointment. It is a complex phenomenon that can arise from various sources, including:

• Loss and Grief: The loss of a loved one, a breakup, or a divorce can trigger intense emotional pain. Grieving is a natural response to loss, and the pain can manifest as sadness, despair, and longing.
• Rejection and Betrayal: Being rejected by someone we care about or experiencing betrayal from a close friend or partner can lead to deep emotional pain. These experiences can erode trust, generate feelings of worthlessness, and cause significant distress.
• Trauma and Abuse: Experiencing traumatic events such as abuse, physical violence, or accidents can result in long-lasting emotional pain. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a severe consequence of trauma and can involve intense fear, anxiety, and emotional distress.
• Disappointment and Failure: Failing to achieve personal goals, experiencing professional setbacks, or feeling like we have let ourselves or others down can lead to emotional pain. These feelings may be accompanied by self-doubt, guilt, or shame.
• Loneliness and Isolation: Social isolation, loneliness, or a lack of meaningful connections can generate emotional pain. Human beings are social creatures, and feeling disconnected from others can lead to feelings of sadness, despair, and emptiness.

 

 

Symptoms and Effects of Emotional Pain:

Emotional pain can manifest in a variety of ways, both mentally and physically. Some common symptoms and effects include:

• Mood Changes: Emotional pain can result in persistent sadness, irritability, anger, or increased sensitivity to negative emotions. The affected individual may also experience mood swings and fluctuations in their overall emotional state.
• Physical Symptoms: Emotional pain can have physical manifestations such as headaches, gastrointestinal problems, fatigue, insomnia, or a weakened immune system. These physical symptoms can intensify the distress already being experienced.
• Negative Thought Patterns: Individuals in emotional pain often engage in negative thinking patterns. This can include self-blame, self-criticism, excessive worrying, and a pessimistic outlook on life. They may struggle to see positive aspects or solutions to their problems.
• Isolation and Avoidance: People experiencing emotional pain may withdraw socially, isolating themselves from friends, family, and activities they once enjoyed. Isolation can exacerbate the pain, making it difficult to seek support or find healthy coping mechanisms.
• Impact on Daily Functioning: Emotional pain can significantly impact an individual’s ability to function in their everyday life. It may affect their work or school performance, relationships, and overall quality of life. Concentration difficulties and a lack of motivation may make it challenging to accomplish daily tasks.

Why Does Emotional Pain Hurt So Much? Understanding the Depths of Emotional Suffering

Unlike physical pain, emotional pain carries a unique intensity that can at times feel unbearable. It is essential to explore and comprehend the underlying reasons why emotional pain hurts so deeply, as this knowledge can empower individuals to better cope with and overcome their suffering.

Emotional pain is a significant part of the human experience. Just like physical pain, it serves as a warning sign that something is wrong. However, unlike physical pain, emotional pain can often go unnoticed or overlooked. Society often places more emphasis on physical health, which can lead to a lack of acknowledgment and understanding of emotional pain. It is crucial to recognize and acknowledge emotional pain to promote overall well-being and cultivate healthier coping mechanisms.

The Complexity of Emotional Pain

Emotional pain evokes a plethora of negative emotions such as anxiety, sadness, grief, despair, and even rage, all of which contribute to its elaborate nature. While physical pain arises from bodily harm, emotional pain roots itself in psychological disturbances caused by various factors, including loss, rejection, trauma, or failures in one’s personal or social life.

The Brain-Body Connection

Numerous studies have demonstrated the intricate connection between physical and emotional pain in the brain. Functional MRI scans have shown that both types of pain activate similar neural pathways and pain-processing regions, such as the anterior cingulate cortex and the insular cortex. These overlapping responses suggest that emotional pain is not merely a metaphorical experience but a genuine biological response.

Social Rejection and Emotional Pain

The human brain has evolved to prioritize social connections, as they are vital for our survival and well-being. God declared this in the first book of the Bible when he said “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Emotional pain may have evolved as a response to social rejection or exclusion to motivate individuals to seek social bonds, support, and safety. Within this framework, emotional pain alerts us to social threats and encourages us to repair broken relationships or seek out new connections.

Memory and Rumination

One of the reasons emotional pain can be so enduring is its strong link to memory. Painful emotions tend to reinforce negative memories, making it difficult for individuals to move past the distress they have experienced. Moreover, rumination, a common response to emotional pain, is the tendency to repetitively focus on the causes and consequences of one’s distress, which perpetuates and intensifies one’s suffering.

The Amplifying Effect of Empathy

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, can also play a role in amplifying emotional pain. When we witness another person’s suffering, mirror neurons in our brain fire, creating a shared emotional experience. This shared experience can intensify our own emotional pain, making it challenging to support others while addressing our own emotional struggles simultaneously.

Coping and Healing from Emotional Pain

While emotional pain may feel overwhelming, individuals can develop effective coping strategies to navigate their way through the darkness. Engaging in activities such as therapy, meditation, physical exercise, creative outlets, and building a support network can all contribute to emotional healing. Additionally, reframing negative thoughts, learning from experiences, and practicing gratitude can help individuals regain a sense of control and hope. While emotional pain can be incredibly challenging, there are several strategies that individuals can employ to cope and heal:

• Seek Support: Building a support system of trusted friends, family, or professionals can provide a safe space to express emotions and gain perspective. Sharing experiences or seeking therapy can help individuals process their pain and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
• Self-Care: Practicing self-care activities that promote mental and emotional well-being can be beneficial. This may include engaging in activities that bring joy, relaxation, or fulfillment, such as exercise, artistic expression, or spending time in nature.
• Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Avoiding unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse or excessive emotional eating, is crucial. Instead, individuals can explore healthier options such as Bible study, deep breathing exercises, journaling, or seeking professional therapy.
• Acceptance and Forgiveness: Acknowledging and accepting the pain as a part of the human experience can help individuals move forward in their healing process. Learning to forgive oneself or those who may have caused the pain can also contribute to emotional healing and growth.
• Patience and Time: Emotional pain takes time to heal, and it is essential to be patient with oneself during the recovery process. Understanding that healing is not linear and may involve setbacks can help individuals navigate their journey towards emotional well-being.

Practicing Self-Care: Essential Steps to Heal Emotional Pain

Emotional pain is a normal part of life that everyone experiences at some point. Whether it’s heartbreak, grief, or stress, it is important to prioritize self-care while navigating these difficult emotions. Taking care of oneself physically, mentally, and emotionally is crucial for healing.

• Prioritize Rest and Sleep: One of the most effective ways to promote self-care is ensuring adequate rest and sleep. Emotional pain can take a toll on our energy levels, making it important to rejuvenate both the mind and body through quality sleep. Set a sleep routine, create a soothing sleep environment, and avoid electronic devices before bedtime. By getting enough rest, you enable your body to heal and recover more efficiently, allowing you to better manage emotional pain.
• Adopt a Healthy Diet: When experiencing emotional pain, it is easy to fall into unhealthy eating habits or neglect proper nutrition altogether. However, nourishing your body with a balanced diet is vital for overall well-being. Consume a variety of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains, and healthy fats. Avoid excessive consumption of sugary and processed foods, as they can negatively impact your mood. By fueling your body with wholesome foods, you will have more energy and mental clarity to deal with emotional pain.
• Engage in Physical Activity: Physical activity is an excellent way to release pent-up emotions and reduce stress. Engaging in regular exercise helps boost endorphin levels, the feel-good hormones that can alleviate emotional pain. Choose activities you enjoy, such as walking, jogging, swimming, or dancing, and make them a part of your self-care routine. Exercise not only enhances your physical health but also improves your overall mood and mental well-being.
• Seek Support and Connect with Others: During times of emotional pain, seeking support from loved ones or professional therapists can make a significant difference. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of friends and family who can provide emotional comfort and empathy can help alleviate emotional distress. Additionally, reaching out to a therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance and tools for navigating and healing from emotional pain.
  • Setting and Maintaining Boundaries: Setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial for protecting ourselves from emotional pain and maintaining healthy relationships, work environments, and personal lives. By setting boundaries, we assert our right to prioritize our well-being, communicate our needs effectively, and foster respect and autonomy in all areas of our lives. Remember, healthy boundaries lead to healthier and more fulfilling experiences overall. So, take the time to identify your boundaries and communicate them confidently – you deserve it.
  • Shifting Focus and Finding Gratitude: Dealing with emotional pain can be a challenging and daunting task, leaving individuals feeling lost and overwhelmed. Whether it stems from a difficult breakup, job loss, or a personal tragedy, navigating through emotional pain requires a resilient mindset and a willingness to heal. Amidst the darkness, there lies a powerful tool that can aid in this healing process – gratitude. Shifting one’s focus towards gratitude and positivity can be transformative, bringing about significant healing and spiritual growth. Emotional pain often manifests in various ways, including sadness, anger, anxiety, and feelings of despair. Such intense emotions can cloud one’s perception, making it difficult to see beyond the pain. Dwelling on the negative aspects of the situation may result in a negative mindset, hindering the healing process. However, by shifting the focus towards gratitude, individuals can counterbalance the negativity and create space for healing and growth.

Accepting and Embracing the Pain: Why Accepting Emotional Pain is Crucial for Healing

In life, we all experience emotional pain to varying degrees. It could be the pain of heartbreak, loss, rejection, or disappointment. Instead of denying or avoiding emotional pain, accepting its existence as a normal part of life is essential for our healing and overall well-being.

Accepting and embracing emotional pain is a vital step towards healing and personal growth. Although it may seem counterintuitive, acknowledging and facing our pain allows us to process our emotions, validate our feelings, and unlock the healing process. By embracing pain as a natural part of life, we cultivate emotional resilience and empower ourselves to overcome future challenges with strength and grace. Remember, healing is a journey, and accepting emotional pain is an important stepping stone towards creating a more fulfilling and authentic life.

Seeking Professional Help: Overcoming Emotional Pain with Expert Assistance

In the face of emotional pain and distress, it is not uncommon to feel overwhelmed and lost. Life has its fair share of challenges, and sometimes they can become too much to handle on our own. During such trying times, seeking professional help can make a significant difference in our ability to cope and heal. Whether through therapy, counseling, or joining support groups, reaching out to professionals can be a crucial step towards reclaiming our well-being and finding the strength to move forward.

Therapists and counselors are mental health professionals who possess the expertise and knowledge to help individuals navigate through their emotional struggles. They are equipped with the necessary skills to identify and address the root causes of emotional pain, providing a safe and supportive environment for healing and growth. Seeking their guidance is not a sign of weakness; rather, it is a demonstration of strength in acknowledging that we all have limitations and can benefit from professional assistance.

One of the key benefits of professional help is the objective perspective they bring to the table. Often, when we are caught up in our own pain, it becomes difficult to see things clearly or find effective solutions. Therapists, on the other hand, offer a fresh perspective and help us explore alternative ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. Through their guidance, we can gain insight into our emotions, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and make informed decisions to overcome our challenges.

Moreover, professional assistance provides a judgment-free space for expression. We may fear being misunderstood, judged, or rejected by those close to us when we open up about our emotional struggles. However, therapists and counselors are not only trained to be empathetic and non-judgmental, but they are also bound by strict confidentiality guidelines. This creates a safe environment where we can freely express our deepest fears, anxieties, and traumas without the fear of backlash or betrayal.

Draw Near to God

Emotional pain is weighty and it has a way of making us believe the lies that we are all alone, no one understands, no one cares, or even that God has abandoned us. But Scripture reminds us to draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). God loves you so much that He even knows the number of hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30-32). In our pain it can be tempting to pull away from God, but He is the very one who knows the depths and the reasons for our pain, and promises to walk with us through it. While others may not understand our pain, or how to help us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalms 34:18 NIV).

 

 

Time and patience: Healing from emotional pain takes time, and it is essential to be patient with oneself throughout the process

In today’s fast-paced society, instant gratification has become the norm. We’re conditioned to expect quick fixes and immediate results. However, emotional healing does not operate on the same timeline as our desire for instant relief. It requires trust in the process and a willingness to give ourselves the time needed to heal fully.

Allowing ourselves the necessary time to heal can be challenging. It may feel uncomfortable, frustrating, or even disheartening to confront our emotional pain consistently. We may be tempted to repress or ignore our feelings, hoping they will dissipate on their own. However, suppressing emotions never truly resolves them. Instead, it buries them deep within, causing them to resurface unexpectedly or manifest in unhealthy ways.

Furthermore, learning to embrace the journey itself rather than focusing solely on the end goal can help foster patience. Frequently, when we desire healing in one area of our life, God is busy working on healing another area that He knows needs to be addressed first. Healing from any area of pain requires trusting that God truly does have the best plan and the perfect timing. Healing is not a destination but a transformative process that shapes us and offers valuable insights along the way. By embracing each step of the journey and celebrating small victories, milestones, and moments of personal growth, we can maintain our determination and cultivate patience.

In conclusion, healing from emotional pain requires time and patience. It is a complex and often nonlinear process that demands our attention and self-compassion. Choosing to give ourselves the necessary time to heal honors our emotional well-being and allows us to emerge stronger and more resilient. By acknowledging our pain, embracing each step of the journey, and cultivating patience, we can navigate the healing process with grace and find true emotional balance once again.

What have you found helpful for dealing with emotional pain? We’d love to hear in the comments below.

Friend, if you are experiencing physical, emotional, relational, financial, or spiritual pain, grief or loss, can I encourage you to pick up a copy of my book The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms. I wrote it in the crucible of pain, with you in mind. In it, I address the common thoughts and questions of pain sufferers, I openly and authentically share about my own painful journey, and I encourage you to hold on to your trust in God while waiting for your healing.

 

 

 

The Hem of His Garment

Now Available!

 

We all experience pain from time to time, and not just physical pain, but also emotional pain, relational pain, spiritual pain, grief and loss.

I’ve been there. I’ve experienced each one of those types of pain. I’ve asked the hard questions. I’ve searched the scriptures for biblical examples and lessons learned through pain and suffering. And I’m sharing a fresh perspective in my new book “The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms.”

Here’s what Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, Physician, bestselling author, and host of the I Choose My Best Life podcast, had to say about The Hem of His Garment: “Honest and transparent. Dr. Michelle Bengtson gives the reader permission to ask hard questions and practical guidance on how to seek God during times when you feel the most wounded. A beautiful gift for every person living with pain.”

The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms is now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, ChristianBook.com, Books-A-Million, and other fine book retailers.

Click here to learn more: The Hem of His Garment.