In the past two years, I’ve lost over 20 friends and family members, and right now I have several friends who are in the midst of grieving losses of friends and loved ones. Grief and mourning don’t just apply to the loss of people we love, but also the loss of dreams, hopes, expectations, possessions, jobs, and so much more. In this post, my friend, Donna Fagerstrom, author of Every Mourning, shares how to navigate grief and loss.
With the number of losses I’ve experienced in the past two years, it seemed appropriate to chat with Donna on a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective podcast about how to deal with grief. If you missed it, you can listen here (How To Deal with Grief and Maintain our Hope – Episode 153).
Be sure and read to the end of the post for a book giveaway!
How to Navigate Grief and Loss
By Donna Fagerstrom
Have you ever heard the phrase “two things are for certain, death and taxes?”
We can plan ahead to pay our taxes, but we can’t plan ahead for the death of a loved one.
Navigating Grief and Loss
In my decades of life, I have been blessed with much and I have experienced much loss. How we navigate through our loss really depends on us. We choose to let our loss (whether it’s the loss of a dream, job, promotion, loved one, you name the loss) make us bitter or better. The one letter that changes is the “I.”
Grief is real and it’s OK to grieve.
God is present in your grief.
Grief can help you grow.
Grief takes on so many emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, only the best way for you. You need to acknowledge your grief and give yourself permission to grieve your loss. You will be healthier and happier as a result.
Often the average person has a time frame in which they think your grief should end. I have learned through my losses never stand in judgement of how someone else grieves. It’s an individual process. Some take longer whereas others may not. It’s OK.
There are several stages of grief.
You may remain in one for a while or experience them all at once and loop back over and over again. So much depends on the circumstances and your relationship with the person or loss you’re experiencing.
Set a small goal each day to help bring purpose to your life as you grieve. Take one small healthy step in your new journey by eating well; putting “something” on your calendar for every day; take a fifteen-minute walk, even when you don’t feel like it. Then, be sure to invest (spend time) with others. Don’t walk this path alone. Often helping others helps us more than the one we’re helping.
The blackness will lift in time. The sun will shine again. Psalm 34:18 says; “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Bring your loss and pain to him. He can handle it. Be in the word each day, even just one verse, helps with healing and perspective.
Bible verses for grief
We have these promises in the Bible.
- Jeremiah 31:13 I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy, instead of sorrow, says the Lord.
- Hebrews 13:5 Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.
- Lamentations 3:25 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, the one who seeks him, it is good to wait quietly.
These are your promises. Claim one today!
Prayer for those who are grieving
If you’re grieving, let us pray for you:
Father,
We pray for the one reading these words right now, that you would comfort them in their grief. We ask that your presence would be palpable to them, and that you would show them how to put one foot in front of the other when life seems so hard. Lord, you promise in your word that you are acquainted with our suffering. Let that be a comfort that even when it feels like it, they are not alone. We thank you that you give us grief as a gift, and as a testament to the love we had. Bring people around to walk this journey with them. In Jesus’s name, amen.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on either what helped or hindered your grief process, in the comments below!
About Donna Fagerstrom
Born and raised in West Michigan, Donna Fagerstrom was spiritually impacted by Holland Youth for Christ, surrendering her life to God and full-time ministry. Donna is a gifted writer, communicator, worship leader and women’s disciple-maker. Her alma mater, Cornerstone University, awarded her the Woman of Influence award in 2010. After serving for 49 years in a variety of life-engaging ministries (Local Church; Seminary; Church Planting and Marketplace Chaplaincy), Doug and Donna have retired to write, coach executive leaders and nurture their family.
Connect with Donna: Facebook / Instagram
Book Giveaway
In conjunction with this post and the podcast interview, How To Deal with Grief and Maintain our Hope – Episode 153, is giving away a free copy of her book, Every Mourning.
Leave a comment below sharing with us one thing you learned about navigating grief and loss and you will be entered into the contest for your chance to win a copy of her book.
You could also share this blog post on Facebook, Pinterest, or Twitter then comment here to tell us where you shared it and you’ll also be entered into the drawing.
The winner will be selected at random and announced next Monday, March 27, 2022. Continental United States only.
Don’t fight it. Let yourself feel the feelings so you can process them and move on. Stay in God’s word EVERY day. Satan will attack you every chance he gets and you need the reassurance of God’s promises. Rely on His truth not your emotions.
Becki, I believe you are spot on about relying on God’s truth not our emotions. God’s word is a lifeline in the pain.
Thank you for sharing. As today marks the one year anniversary of my moms home going, there are times that I feel like I should be over the grieving. But there are days that the tears still come. I have held onto His word in the Psalms where it says that the Lord is close to the broken hearted. I feel his presence everyday in this journey.
Bless you Judy. There’s something unexplainable about losing a Mom. Continue being kind and patient with yourself. If tears need to come let them freely come.❤️
Judy, I’m so glad you know where to turn for help and comfort in the hard days of grieving. There is no timeline. I think the depth of our grief reflects the depth of love that we had for that person. I still occasionally find myself grieving the loss of both of my parents…the things they never got to experience, the loss of being able to share with them, the pain of seeing others celebrating with their parents and missing out on that. But God extends grace and comfort, and the reassurance that I will see them again.
The one thing I have learned, is we all grieve differently. How we grieve, how long it takes, how we cope with it. Some fully lean into it, while others might try to hide from it. I was surprised by how easily it creeps up when you least expect it. Express it, feel it, be gracious to yourself through it. The world wants us to move on quickly and I believe that is partly because they don’t feel comfortable in how to help us cope and partly because we can’t live in a constant state of grief so they push us to heal. Not bad motives, but I try now to be there without expectations for others.
Excellent insight Stephanie. You’re spot on. Only Jesus❤️
Stephanie, your response is the kind that God honors. We each have a different journey and different relationship dynamics. Grace is the best thing we can offer.
Your words of reassurance that everyone goes thru this grief differently helped me. My sister passed away last April 2021 and my 98 year old mother-in-law’s health is failing. Grief and loss are all around, but I trust God is in control and with us. Thank you for sharing this podcast, Michelle. Blessings
I have learned that the deeper the loss, the deeper the grief.
Wonderful insight Diane.❤️
You’re so right Diane. I think that attests to the depth of our love for the one we lost.
Such a great message from Donna and also with your input along with her. You both have had much experience grieving the loss of loved ones but also other losses. I do not want to become bitter but I do want to become better so help me Lord understand the graphics. I am sharing this wonderful needed message on Facebook, Michelle.
Karen, I think the desire to become better and not bitter is definitely a prayer that God will honor. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Karen! Michelle is one of thee best podcast host. There’s one letter that changes bitter and better. It’s the “I”. That’s when we become better when we take the I or me out of the situation. Blessings to you.❤️
One thing I’ve learned about grief is that God is with us…He cares…He cries tears with us and catches each of our tears because he cares so much.
You’re so right Tracie. May Jesus bless you❤️
Tracie, you’re so right. It’s often in these painful times that we experience even more of God’s mercy, grace, love, and compassion and begin to appreciate more about his character.
I don’t think any two people grieve exactly the same way. May we be gracious and praying for those experiencing loss. I am so grateful the Lord draws near to us in our grief, giving us all that we need to get through one day at a time.
Excellent insight Joanne. We all grieve differently. That’s why we need to give ourselves permission to grieve because there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, only the best way for you. He is close to the broke hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
Joanne, isn’t it a comfort to know that God’s timing is perfect, and while He walks with us through such painful times, He extends mercy, grace, and comfort when we most need it?
I learned that we all deal with grief on a different time frame. Don’t let anyone rush your journey
Kathi, that’s such an important and valuable lesson. I think we want it to be over as soon as possible, and in doing so put unrealistic expectations on ourselves, at a time when we really need to give ourselves grace.
I participated in a GriefShare class after I lost my parents one right after another almost three years ago. Something one of the leaders said was such a comfort to me: “As the grief softens, the memories grow warmer.” I’ve found that she was right about both. ❤️
Lois,
I’m so sorry for your loss! I’m proud of you for seeking out support during such a difficult time. That’s a profound statement and one that I think helps provide comfort in the grief.