When You’ve Been Hurt by Your Earthly Father

If you’ve ever struggled to relate to God as Father because of the wounds left by your earthly father, you’re not alone. In a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, Rev. Jessica Van Roekel and I talk about the challenges many face in seeing God as a loving Father when their own experience of fatherhood has been marked by absence, pain, or unmet needs. (You can listen to that conversation here: Relating to God as Father). In today’s follow-up post, Rev. Jessica shares heartfelt encouragement and practical steps for healing when you’ve been hurt by your earthly father. If this is part of your story, there is hope—God’s heart is tender toward the fatherless, and He invites you to know Him as the perfect Father you’ve always needed.

When You’ve Been Hurt by Your Earthly Father
by Jessica Van Roekel

One of the biggest hurdles many followers of Christ struggle to overcome is the idea of God as Father. Often our experiences with our earthly fathers stand in contrast to God’s fatherhood. Psalm 10:17-18 gives us insight into God’s father heart for us. “O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of earth may strike terror no more,” (ESV).

Unfortunately, many fathers don’t know how to parent. This could be from heart pain regarding how they were raised, or it could be the outcome of an unresolved traumatic event. Outward behaviors reflect inward hurt. Add in the fact that without a heart surrendered to God, we will behave in ways that are opposite of God’s desire for us. And even if fathers are Christ-followers, no one is perfect, and they will miss the mark.

Moving Forward After a Hurtful Father Relationship

Where does that leave those with father wounds?

It helps us to bring our desire for fathering to the One who fathers us best. God’s heart is for the fatherless – those who do not have an earthly father or those who don’t feel fathered by their dads. When God is referred to as father, it is a metaphor where he is likened to a kind and loving father. Elsewhere God’s love and care can be compared to that of a concerned and caring mother (Isaiah 49:14-16). To reject “father” as a designation for God is to lose sight of that fact that Jesus chose to address God as Father far more often than any other name for God.

One of the things we can do when we struggle to understand an aspect of God’s character is to study the bible references and examples of God’s fatherhood. Many times, we misunderstand God because we cannot fathom the depth of his compassion for us. It seems our compassion has limits, just as our forgiveness does, or our mercy or our generosity. Eventually we draw a line in the sand and say, “No more.”

Isaiah 55:8-9 states, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’” Even though we have the mind of Christ, we still must receive information about God by faith. Faith is the confidence in what we hope for and an assurance about what we do not see. God is the object of our faith. We can lay aside our doubt about God’s father heart for us and receive it by faith.

Taking a giant step of faith like that can feel risky. What if God doesn’t answer our prayers? What if we face hardships? To this I would remind you of Jesus’ words in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.” We are not left alone. God weeps with us. He seeks to pour his comforting peace into our hearts, so we have the strength to walk an unwelcome road. But we must return to him as Father.

Jesus tells the story of the Prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. A man had two sons and the younger wanted his share of the inheritance. The father gave it to him and the son went away to spend all he had in reckless living. Eventually, the son’s choices took him from dining in fine places with friends to longing for pig feed with grunting pigs as his only companions. Jesus stated, “when he came to himself,” he arose and returned home, hoping to be hired on as a servant. Instead, his father saw him coming from a long way off and welcomed him home as his son. This account paints a vivid picture of how God welcomes us—even when we’ve gone our own way because of the hurt in our hearts.

Practical Steps to Heal After Being Hurt by Your Earthly Father

First, if you’re struggling with relating to God as father because you’ve been hurt by your earthly father, turn to Luke 15 and ask God to show you his father heart for you. He longs to receive you. He stands with open arms, waiting for you to rush into them.
Secondly, select one of the following verses to read and meditate on:
- Psalm 27:10, “For my father and mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.”
- Psalm 68:5, “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.”
- Psalm 103:13, “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.”
- Isaiah 64:8, “But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.”
- 2 Corinthians 6:18, “And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
- Ephesians 2:17-18, “And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.”
- 1 John 5:1, “Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him.”
Finally, remove God from the same categories as human fathers. He is different. He loves perfectly. He loves us for our good. He has tenderness for us. He delights over us with singing. With the Holy Spirit’s help and a step of faith, you can relate to God as Father and have the wounds in your heart from your earthly father healed.

Is there a verse or truth about God as Father that’s been meaningful to you? Share it in the comments below.

When your earthly father’s wounds make it hard to trust God, you’re not alone. Here are 3 steps to begin healing and connect with your true Father. Share on X When past hurt from your earthly father affects how you view God, this post offers biblical encouragement and steps to help you reconnect with Him. Share on X

About Rev. Jessica Van Roekel:

Jessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.