DrB,
Love your writing and your consistently positive, personal and thoughtful perspectives. I have a parent who is pretty far along with Alzheimer’s/Dementia. How can I try to participate in life with her even though I can no longer have a rational conversation with her, and even though she won’t remember my comments or even my presence five minutes from now?
Thanks,
A Concerned Adult Child
Dear Adult Child,
Dementia of any kind is often more difficult on the family members who love those who are afflicted. We as family members continue on with our daily lives, maintaining the status quo, while the dementia patient continues to regress rather than progress.
You are a loving son to want to continue to participate with your parent with dementia. Your participation with her will be different than that which you are accustomed to. It may very much feel like you are now the parent, and your parent may seem to you to be more like a child.
While this is sad for us as family members, and may be difficult to adjust to, it is normal in the dementia situation. No, she may not be capable of rational conversation, or remember your comments or your presence five minutes from now, but she will enjoy your engagement in the moment. If she plays the piano, sit with her or sing along. If she looks out the window and watches the birds fly by, stand and watch with her. Comment on what you see.
Really, this is Biblical. The Bible teaches us not to worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of its own. That is very much trying to teach us to be present, in this minute. That is where we find God. He is right here, working in the moment, waiting for us to take a few moments to be present with Him.
So love your parent now, in this moment, for what you delight in her right now. Enjoy this present moment with her. None of us knows how much time we have.
I will be praying for you, as God walks you through this journey.
Hope Prevails,
DrB
(If you have a question you’d like Dr. B to answer, contact her here now. Your name and identity will be kept confidential.)
A short brief about Hope Prevails.
Hope Prevails
Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey through Depression
Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Speaking from personal and professional experience, a neuropsychologist unpacks what depression is, shows how it affects us spiritually, and offers hope for living the abundant life.
Neuropsychologist Offers Hope to Those Struggling with Depression
-By 2020, depression will be our greatest epidemic worldwide
- An estimated 350 million people worldwide suffer from some form of depression
- As with the bestselling My Stroke of Insight, the author experienced the same condition she treats
- Helpful features include personal stories, biblical truths, prayers, and music recommendations
In Hope Prevails, Dr. Bengtson writes with deep compassion and empathy, blending her extensive training and faith, to offer readers a hope that is grounded in God’s love and grace. She helps readers understand what depression is, how it affects them spiritually, and what, by God’s grace, it cannot do. The result is a treatment plan that addresses the whole person—not just chemical imbalances in the brain.
For those who struggle with depression and those that want to help them, Hope Prevails offers real hope for the future.
Hope Prevails is available now wherever books are sold. To find out more, see: http://drmichellebengtson.com/hope-prevails-book/.
I just posted a piece on worry on my blog . . . From My Father. Very fitting for all the folks out there having to deal with loved ones and failing memories. Beautiful words.
Thanks Michelle! It’s hard to deal with, but fortunately God has given us His wisdom and comfort.
Very timely for me, Dr. Michelle – my husband and I were just talking about the the benefit of trying to engage his mother in conversation over the phone from half-way across the country – especially when we know she won’t remember we even called. A nice reminder that at least we can offer some love and enjoyment to her for a moment.
Glad to hear it Shel. It’s so important that we all live in the moment, and reach out to others in the moment. God is right here – in this present moment.
Thank you. Two articles have hit home with us. You already knew about our ADHD child but now my mom lives with us and she has dementia. Keep pointing to Christ! Love that!
Thank you Carrie! You are the second individual today to give me confirmation that God has asked me to be an ambassador for Him in the realm of mental health. I will be praying for you, as I know how difficult it can be to be the loving caregiver of one with dementia.
Thank you so much for this post. My mom had dementia and cancer … she passed in February 2014. Dementia is something that is quite difficult to deal with, especially with the mood swings (I call it the “light switch”), and it’s hard not to take the angry outbursts personally…but God, in His infinite wisdom, reminded me of the many angry outbursts my mom was faced with during my youth (and even sometimes during adulthood). She never turned her back on me, and it was through her example I was able to pray and wait for the storm to pass… Through faith and sites like yours, those dealing with dementia can receive comfort, support and hope.
Patti, I’m so sorry to hear you and your loved ones had to journey down the road with a loved one with dementia. It’s a horrible, crippling disease, that is so hard on the family members. I’m glad you listened to God and could continue to show your mother His love. Thank you for your kind words. I pray my site helps others find His help and hope. Because of Him, Hope Prevails!