How to Overcome Rejection and Abandonment with God’s Love – Episode 357

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Dr. Michelle Bengtson and Rev. Jessica Van Roekel discuss how to overcome rejection and abandonment with God's love.

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Episode Summary:
Does it ever seem like God loves other people more than he loves you? Maybe it looks like everything goes their way. Or their families are put together, not a prodigal in sight, and everyone enjoys each other. We, however, see our lives at a hot mess, unanswered prayers everywhere, and trouble after trouble. When we equate blessing and favor with love, we can begin to feel rejected and abandoned by God when we don’t feel blessed or favored by him. In this episode, my co-host, Rev. Jessica Van Roekel and I talk about Overcoming Rejection and Abandonment with God’s Love.

Almost all of us carry rejection and abandonment because most of us have experienced someone walking away, excluding us, or making us feel like we don’t belong. Those wounds run deep. They are not just “hurt feelings.”

They can shape how we see ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we imagine God sees us. Today we want to walk into the truth that Christ’s love actually heals these hurt places.

Quotables from the episode:

  • Abandonment and rejection can be traced back to the Garden of Eden, not because God sent Adam and Eve away, but to the moment when Adam and Eve chose to reject God’s way for their own understanding. Since then, humanity has applied their own understanding of love to how they think God should love them. Love isn’t about wants, but it’s about what’s best. Does this make it hard to understand when someone gets what we want? Yes. But can we learn to trust God’s heart for us? Double yes.
  • Rejection isn’t just a moment. It’s a story our hearts can start telling us, and often on repeat. It says, “See? You’re not enough.” “See? People always leave.” “See? You’re not worth choosing.” The rejection narrative comes from the oldest human experiences: a parent who wasn’t present, a spouse who checked out emotionally, a friend group that stopped inviting us, a church that didn’t know what to do with our pain.
  • It can be so hard to remember God’s everlasting love when we feel rejected and abandoned by God.
  • I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and they’re not mine, my value or lack thereof in someone else’s eyes doesn’t determine my worth. Even those who know me the most, only know a small piece of me, but God knows me completely.
  • It’s that time of year when love seems to be commercialized, but Christ’s love isn’t for sale. It’s offered freely, yet I see two different responses to Christ’s love. It’s either too good to be true and therefore must be false. Or he’s treated like a vending machine—we put good behavior in and expect to get exactly what we want in return. Either response can lead to feeling rejected or abandoned.
  • One of the first things we can do is Remember Jesus Christ understands rejection. He came to show us the way back to the Father and he said in John 6:38, “For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.” The Father’s will led him to die on a cross, lay in a tomb for three days, and rise again so that we could be reconciled to God and to know his love for us again. Just as his Father was rejected, Christ knew he would be rejected.
  • Isaiah 53:3 says, “He was despised and rejected by humanity by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.” Jesus knows what it’s like to be abandoned by friends, misunderstood by family, and even betrayed by someone close.
  • Later in John 6, people walked away from him because they didn’t like what he said. And in his most desperate hour, his disciples scatter and one denied knowing him. On the cross, he cried out, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” as he took the punishment our sins rightfully deserve. If you’ve ever felt unwanted, unseen, or left—Jesus understands. You are not alone.
  • The second thing we can do is Renew our minds. Christ’s love doesn’t just comfort us—it redefines us. Rejection tells us we’re unworthy. Christ tells us we’re chosen. Ephesians 1 says “we’re chosen before the foundation of the world.” Can you imagine? Before anyone had the chance to reject us, God declared we were his.
  • Abandonment says, “People leave.” God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” (Hebrews 13:5 and Deuteronomy 31:6). In fact, the first part of Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “Do not be afraid of terrified because of them.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been so afraid of people’s rejection and abandonment that I lose all courage and common sense.
  • That’s why Romans 12:2 is so powerful. It says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Our minds are powerful and what we tell ourselves matters. Your brain listens to your thoughts. When you think something like “I can’t handle this” or “I am loved”, your brain treats that thought as important information. It begins to adjust your mood, your energy, and even your physical reactions based on what you’re saying to yourself.
  • Furthermore, repeated thoughts build habits in the brain. Your brain is always rewiring itself. When you think the same message again and again, your brain builds stronger neural pathways. Soon, your brain can travel that path faster and more automatically. That’s why negative thinking can become a pattern, and why positive thinking can become one too.
  • We have to remember our thoughts affect our body. Thoughts trigger chemical reactions. Stressful, self-critical thoughts release stress hormones like cortisol. Encouraging, hopeful thoughts release feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. These chemicals influence your heart rate, immune system, sleep, and more.
  • Your brain doesn’t always separate imagination from reality. If you constantly picture failure, your brain prepares for danger. If you imagine success, your brain gets ready to try. What you focus on, your brain starts to expect.
  • Basically, the messages you repeat become the beliefs you live by. Your thoughts are not just background noise. They’re instructions your brain follows.
  • 5 practical ways Jesus Christ’s love heals the wounds from rejection and abandonment.
  • Let’s get practical and share with our listeners how Jesus Christ’s love heals the wounds from rejection and abandonment.
  • The first step is to bring the honest pain to him. Rejection and abandonment are heavy burdens to carry. They weigh us down. It’s like they are two heavy log chains we drag everywhere. We can’t heal what we hide. Jesus invites honesty. Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Naming what we feel starts our healing process.
  • Second, replace the false story with truth. Every rejection writes a script in our minds. Jesus gives a new script:
  • You are beloved. “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love,” John 15:9
  • You are chosen. “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light,” 1 Peter 2:9.
  • You are adopted. “In love, he destined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will,” Ephesians 1:4
  • You are mine. “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine,” Isaiah 43:1b.
  • Third, God often uses his people to rewrite what abandonment tried to teach us. Healthy, patient, consistent relationships remind us that presence is possible. It is way too easy to cut off any future friendships when past experiences with people have left us wounded. But we are not meant to live life isolated and alone. It can be so scary to open our hearts up to relationships after we’ve been wounded, but it is worth it. We might miss out on a wonderful healing experience if we hold onto our fear of rejection and abandonment.
  • Fourth, practice remaining in Christ’s love. John 15:4 says, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.” Healing comes from abiding. Transformation comes from abiding. Maturity comes from abiding. We practice remaining in Christ’s love through prayer, worship, and remembering his faithfulness. The more we abide in his presence, the less power those old wounds have.
  • Finally, start praying every morning like this: “Jesus, remind me you’re not going anywhere.” Over time, this simple prayer can start to dismantle the fear of rejection and abandonment because it helps us trust in Jesus’ steadiness.
  • Healing doesn’t begin with convincing ourselves people won’t leave. Healing begins when we realize Jesus Christ’s love stays. If you’re listening and carrying the ache of being forgotten, replaced, or overlooked—remember Christ’s love is not fragile. It doesn’t get tired. It doesn’t reconsider whether it wants you. It doesn’t change with your performance. It doesn’t walk away when you mess us.

Scripture References:

  • Jeremiah 31:3, NIV “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness”
  • John 6:38 “For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.”
  • Isaiah 53:3 says, “He was despised and rejected by humanity by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.”
  • Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”
  • Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
  • Romans 12:2 “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
  • Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
  • John 15:9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love”
  • 1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light”
  • Ephesians 1:4 “In love, he destined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will”
  • Isaiah 43:1b “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine”
  • John 15:4 “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.”

 

Recommended Resources: (If there are affiliate links in this post, meaning, if you click through and make a purchase, I may receive a commission (at no extra cost to you)).

 

Almost all of us carry some form of rejection or abandonment. Someone walked away. Someone excluded us. Someone made us question our worth. Listen now for how to overcome rejection and abandonment with God's love. Share on X Rejection can leave deep wounds. But God’s love goes deeper. Listen now as we explore how Christ heals what abandonment tried to break. Share on X

 

Social Media Links for Host and Co-Host:

Connect with Co-Host Reverend Jessica Van Roekel:

Website / Instagram / Facebook

 

For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

Order Book Sacred Scars / Order book The Hem of His Garment / Order book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  / Order Book Hope Prevails Bible Study /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple

 

About Co-Host Rev. Jessica Van Roekel:

Jessica Van Roekel, authorJessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.

 

 

 

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Ashton Bengtson

 

Feeling rejected, abandoned, or unseen can deeply affect your faith and emotional health. In this episode, Dr. Michelle Bengtson and Rev. Jessica Van Roekel share how to overcome rejection and abandonment through God’s love. Listen now for ways Scripture and brain science work together to bring healing, renew your mind, and restore confidence in Christ’s unfailing love.

 

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