When you’re rebuilding trust in a relationship, words simply do not matter. Only actions will make a difference. Consistent changed behavior over time rebuilds trust. Read more below as Jill Savage shares part of the process she and her husband, Mark, used to rebuild the trust in their marriage.
On a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective podcast, I had the opportunity to chat with Mark and Jill Savage about how to rebuild trust after infidelity. If you missed that episode, listen here: How To Rebuild Trust After Cheating – Episode 147.
Be sure to read to the end for a book giveaway!
Rebuilding Trust: The Only Time Words Don’t Matter in Marriage
By Jill Savage
Communication is VERY important in marriage. The words we say, the tone of voice we use, and the attitude of our heart makes such a difference in a relationship.
However, there’s one situation in marriage when words don’t matter and that’s when you are rebuilding trust.
When trust is broken—no matter how—words simply do not matter. Only actions make a difference.
It’s our changed actions that support the words of apology and commitment to change that carry the weight. Consistent changed behavior over time rebuilds trust. Our changed actions, repeated over and over again, are the key to trust being rebuilt.
Ways we break trust in relationships
Too often we think about the need to rebuild trust as only being when something like infidelity happens in marriage. The truth is we break trust in many other ways.
- For instance, if we are highly critical of our spouse, we break their trust.
- If we are dishonest about anything, that breaks trust.
- If we control or manipulate our spouse, we break their trust.
- If we don’t do what we say we’ll do, trust is broken.
When my husband, Mark, was unfaithful, he’d betrayed my trust with his deception and unfaithfulness. As we healed from this terrible rip in our relationship, he had to rebuild my trust with consistent honesty and faithfulness. There was no way to shortcut that process, he had to do that one honest conversation at a time. One act of protecting our marriage at a time. One non-defensive response at a time. One question answered in a kind, humble, loving way at a time.
But he wasn’t the only one who needed to rebuild trust.
I had been critical of Mark and minimized his concerns through our many years of marriage. I had to rebuild his trust by holding my tongue. I had to be affirming of him each day. When I listened well—listened to understand and not to argue or defend or debate—I rebuilt just a little bit of trust. Every time I was patient and kind, I became a safer person to be in a relationship with. Trust was rebuilt one consistent changed behavior step at a time.
Your actions are game-changers to rebuild trust
Don’t get me wrong, you do need to use your words to apologize and to commit to different actions moving forward. Those words are important, but they don’t rebuild trust. They just set you up to begin to rebuild trust. In fact, we found that the trust-breaker must be the trust-maker. The more you actively and consistently do trust-building activities, the more you are creating trust.
If trust has been broken in your marriage, it can be rebuilt! Just remember your words don’t make the difference. Your actions are the game-changer in the very do-able, very important trust-rebuilding process.
About Jill Savage
Jill Savage is an author, speaker, and the host of the No More Perfect Podcast. She and her husband Mark are marriage coaches who have a passion for helping couples find the hope and healing they need. You can find them online at www.MarkandJill.org. You can also find their free rebuilding trust guide at www.RebuildingTrust.Us.
Leave a comment below sharing with us one thing you learned about rebuilding trust in marriage and relationships and you will be entered into the contest for your chance to win a copy of her book.
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The winner will be selected at random and announced next Monday, February 14, 2022. Continental United States only.