When you’re rebuilding trust in a relationship, words simply do not matter. Only consistent, intentional actions over time will make a difference and rebuild trust. As you read further, Jill Savage shares her experience and the steps she and her husband, Mark, took to rebuild trust in their marriage.

On a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective podcast, I had the privilege of discussing with Mark and Jill their journey of rebuilding trust after infidelity. If you missed that episode, listen here: How To Rebuild Trust After Cheating – Episode 147.

As part of a special series of Sacred Scar Stories, Jill returned to the podcast to share their powerful story of healing and transformation following marital infidelity. She reveals how God turned their pain into a beautiful sacred scar. God now uses their pain for His purposes as they serve couples who find themselves in similar despair. To hear their sacred scar story, listen to: How to Survive Marital Infidelity: Faith, Forgiveness, and Fidelity – Episode 270.

Rebuilding Trust: The Only Time Words Don’t Matter in Marriage
By Jill Savage

Communication is VERY important in marriage. The words we say, the tone of voice we use, and the attitude of our heart makes such a difference in a relationship.

However, there’s one situation in marriage when words don’t matter and that’s when you are rebuilding trust.

When trust is broken—no matter how—words simply do not matter. Only actions make a difference.

It’s our changed actions that support the words of apology and commitment to change that carry the weight. Consistent changed behavior over time rebuilds trust. Our changed actions, repeated over and over again, are the key to trust being rebuilt.

 

 

Ways we break trust in relationships

Too often we think about the need to rebuild trust as only being when something like infidelity happens in marriage. The truth is we break trust in many other ways.

• For instance, if we are highly critical of our spouse, we break their trust.
• If we are dishonest about anything, that breaks trust.
• If we control or manipulate our spouse, we break their trust.
• If we don’t do what we say we’ll do, trust is broken.

When my husband, Mark, was unfaithful, he’d betrayed my trust with his deception and unfaithfulness. As we healed from this terrible rip in our relationship, he had to rebuild my trust with consistent honesty and faithfulness. There was no way to shortcut that process, he had to do that one honest conversation at a time. One act of protecting our marriage at a time. One non-defensive response at a time. One question answered in a kind, humble, loving way at a time.

But he wasn’t the only one who needed to rebuild trust.

I had been critical of Mark and minimized his concerns through our many years of marriage. I had to rebuild his trust by holding my tongue. I had to be affirming of him each day. When I listened well—listened to understand and not to argue or defend or debate—I rebuilt just a little bit of trust. Every time I was patient and kind, I became a safer person to be in a relationship with. Trust was rebuilt one consistent changed behavior step at a time.

Your actions are game-changers to rebuild trust

Don’t get me wrong, you do need to use your words to apologize and to commit to different actions moving forward. Those words are important, but they don’t rebuild trust. They just set you up to begin to rebuild trust. In fact, we found that the trust-breaker must be the trust-maker. The more you actively and consistently do trust-building activities, the more you are creating trust.

If trust has been broken in your marriage, it can be rebuilt! Just remember your words don’t make the difference. Your actions are the game-changer in the very do-able, very important trust-rebuilding process.

 

Rebuilding trust in marriage takes more than words. Consistent, intentional actions are the key. Learn how @JillSavage and her husband, Mark, restored their relationship and rebuilt trust. Share on X Actions speak louder than words, especially in marriage. Discover @JillSavage 's journey of rebuilding trust after infidelity. Share on X

 

About Jill Savage

Jill Savage is an author, speaker, and the host of the No More Perfect Podcast. She and her husband Mark are marriage coaches who have a passion for helping couples find the hope and healing they need. You can find them online at www.MarkandJill.org. You can also find their free rebuilding trust guide at www.RebuildingTrust.Us.

Connect with Mark and Jill Savage:  Website / Facebook / Instagram / Twitter / Tiktok / Pinterest

 

 

 

 

Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise that Your Pain is Not Wasted

Now Available for Pre-Order

 

We all endure trials, pain, and hardship in this life. Too often we believe these experiences disqualify us from being useful to God. But the truth is, your past pain and brokenness serve as preparation for what God wants to do in and through you – if you will surrender to and trust him.

Just as Jesus’s scars didn’t disappear after his resurrection, our emotional or physical scars tell our story and lend credence to our testimony of God’s love and power. If you are ready to turn your past pain into present comfort and future hope, let Dr. Bengtson be your compassionate guide.

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