Social media is not always reality. We don’t really know what is going on with a person based on what they post on social media. We’re only getting the cliffs notes version. How does social media skew our view?
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People’s perception of you on social media can vary greatly
“Are you ok?” came the message from a friend.
I wasn’t sure what she meant. “How do you mean?”
“All your social media posts lately have seemed so sad.”
Really? That was surprising to me to hear.
I had gone through a time of high stress, loss and grief recently, but not one to typically use social media to moan or complain, I didn’t think my posts were atypical for my usual style.
Within a few hours, I received another message, but from a different friend. “Do you ever wonder about your faith? You never seem discouraged or ‘down.’”
Hmmm. Quite a different perception than the first message only hours before.
The interesting thing was that I was the same person but how others perceived me recently based on my social media posts was so vastly different.
During my time of grief, I prayed about what and how much to share in my blog and on social media. I felt like God impressed upon my heart to “grieve well” and to “be authentic in my grief.”
He walked me through the pain of loss, and in turn, I shared what I had learned.
Honestly? It wasn’t my first choice. It was painful and vulnerable, yet if there is anything I have learned in my 20+ years as a neuropsychologist, it’s that stigma is perpetuated when we don’t show the world that real people struggle.
God warned us in Scripture that we would have difficult times.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43:2).
But He also told us how to view those times.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” (James 1:2-3).
And so I shared my pain, loss, and grief, and the lessons God taught me, while knowing where my hope comes from.
About a month prior, I asked a friend for prayer. She asked what was going on, and I briefly shared my need. She responded telling me that she was surprised because my posts on social media are always so positive.
Hmmm. Another matter of perception.
I explained that I generally try to remain optimistic, positive, and encouraging in my interactions with others. It’s not phony or fake. I take my needs to my Heavenly Father rather than airing my dirty laundry on social media. But despite my joy in the Lord, I still have times when I need the prayer support of trusted friends.
I view social media as an opportunity to connect with others, share what God has put on my heart, share lessons I’ve learned, and encourage each other. I don’t see it as a platform to broadcast my complaints to the world at large. And with all the negativity out there, I don’t want to contribute to that.
Our perception from social media is a fraction of reality
But these interactions confirmed for me that we often don’t truly know what is going on with another person. Our perception is a fraction of the truth. We see and hear only a small percentage of what encompasses the totality of their life, and we form judgments based on that fraction of their experience that we are privy to. What they do and what they say is like the beautiful mallard duck on a pond, yet what we often don’t see is how hard they are paddling underneath the water’s surface, just trying to stay afloat.
The same is true when we compare ourselves to others. We generally compare ourselves to the image we perceive of others based on the fraction of their life we observe rather than the sum total of their experiences. It’s easy to assume that their success or accomplishments came easy, and we want what they have, yet we don’t see the years they spent paying their dues in terms of work, blood, sweat, and tears.
So the next time you notice someone’s posts, remember, you’re only getting the cliffs notes version. There is always more to the story.
Have you ever fallen prey to mistaken perception? Or been the recipient of it?
Wow! So very true. Wonderful insight!!!!
Thank you! I appreciate you stopping by! Blessings.
Such a good reminder to both watch what I post and take what I see on social media and filter it through God’s lens, and not my own.
I loved every single tweet! Such good messages!.
Thanks for your encouraging words Caryn. I think you hit the nail on the head. The most important thing we can do is to filter what we see and hear through God’s lens. He’s the only one who knows the whole story, and thankfully, loves us all the same. Because of Him, Hope Prevails!
This is so full of truth and great reminders! I am a huge believer in speaking life and using social media to encourage and spread hope – but at the same time, I am a believer of being authentic and true… sometimes it is such a hard balance! I love that you let God be your guide in what to share and that even in that, there were two different perspectives. Always, we only ever see or know in part – but that is especially true online and such a great reminder!
I agree with you Karrilee–sometimes it is a hard balance between speaking life and using our social media to encourage, while also being authentic and true. But the Bible tells us to do both, so with Him, it’s possible. So glad you stopped by. Thanks for your encouraging words! Hope Prevails!
great post! i’m very glad social media wasn’t around when i was young. i’m not sure i would have survived it! i’m also not sure i would have stopped and taken time to think like i needed to. it is fun now but i can turn it off and enjoy real people in real life.
your points about sharing/not sharing our grief, problems, etc. were important to think about. it is important to ponder what needs to be shared and what doesn’t…and when the right season is to do it!
great post indeed:)
Thanks for your encouraging words Martha. It’s a fine balance in knowing what and when to share, but even then, we cannot always control how others perceive it. But if we’re striving to focus on whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, etc. then we can trust God will manage the receiver’s perception.
I love your analogy of the beautiful duck and the hard paddling that goes on underneath the waters. More often than not, people only display their best side on social media. This is why I don’t rely on the internet to connect deeply with my friends. I need to pick up the phone to do that!
I agree with you Laura. The internet is not the best place for deep connection. I’d much rather have an intimate conversation by phone or over coffee. I am grateful, however, for those I’ve gotten to know through social media whom I wouldn’t have otherwise. Blessings!
So very true. We never really see what’s going on beneath the surface. I agree with you in not wanting to add to the negativity on Facebook. It seems more productive to share your pain with a friend or counsellor, than with the world at large.
I think we have to be careful what we share. It can be misperceived, misused, and misunderstood given the short soundbites allotted on social media. It’s not a very effective way to have meaningful dialogue or recovery from pain.
Hello Dr. this is beautiful. our perception has to change towards social media. Thank you for the scriptures and analogy. Visiting from the Linkup.
God Bless
Thank you Ifeoma. May we continually seek to encourage others through our words and actions, just as you have done by your kind words to me. Blessings.
So true, Michelle. I cringe every time a high profile news story happens because that’s all that comes across my social media feeds for days. And the vitriol from both sides of any issue is so disheartening! Thanks for encouraging us to do and be better.
Holly, I know exactly what you mean. But then, I think we get a very skewed view of another person’s life in the check-out line at the grocery story, with the waitress at a restaurant, sadly, sometimes even sitting across from someone at Bible study. I think it’s so important that we continually pray to have the mind and eyes of Christ. You are a beautiful example of that. Blessings my sister!
How absolutely true! This post was such a wonderful reminder that while social media can be a blessing and joy, it’s better to talk to the person one-on-one to understand what he/she is going through. How easily we can “read” into things when it comes to the internet and the things we read online.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful post with Roses of Inspiration. Hugs to you!
I love seeing your name pop up in my comments, Stephanie. You always have great insights. Even in this technology driven society, one on one, face to face communication is always best to pick up on those subtle nuances we can’t get any other way. Because of Him, Hope Prevails!
Wow! These are some true words! I feel this same way about social media. People only see a fraction of my life and don’t know all the details going on. Especially by being in the ministry, we carry burdens that we can’t share online or on social media. We have our close friends and colleagues that we consult with and pray with but social media is not the place to air our laundry. It’s not about being fake but instead providing a Band-Aid to cover over and find a place of healing without exposing the wounds to the air of social media. Thanks for reminding us of this truth! (Your neighbor at #RaRaLinkup)
Rachel, I think there is wisdom in using discernment to decide who, what, and how much to share, especially in ministry. I wholeheartedly agree with you: it’s not about being fake. For me, however, it’s also about allowing God to do a work in me and in my heart before I share. We need His wisdom and guidance, and too often if we share events before they are resolved, we get advice that is not Godly wisdom. Thanks for adding your insight to the mix! Because of Him, Hope Prevails!
This is so true and a great reminder. Love how you used the words cliff notes. very good description. I have also read; don’t compare your life to someone else’s highlight reels. Besides social media, emails also don’t always portray the correct emotions too. I have learned that the hard way – don’t assume in any type of internet communication. It is not the whole picture. coming over from SDG today and glad to read your post, Thank you and have a blessed week.
Jean, I love “don’t compare your life to someone else’s highlight reels”! That’s great. That’s exactly what those little snippets on social media, texts, and emails are like! Thanks for that! Blessings!
Wonderful reminder that we can’t always see the hurt others are feeling.
Thank you Ellen. Blessings!
So true! I’ve just started a break from facebook because that’s the only social media I use for personal purposes and I began to feel like I was using it in part to let others peer into a version of my life I wanted them to see instead of what life really is like -and vice versa! Thanks for these great points and sharing your hearts and lessons you’ve learned : ) Happy to connect via Titus2sday!
I’ve taken “social media fasts” before, just to realign my perspective and my motives with those God has for me. Sounds like you’re doing the same. I pray He blesses you for it. Thanks for visiting!
A wonderful reminder that we don’t always know what it is going on in other’s lives. I’ve visiting from #JoyHopeLive.
Thanks for visiting Lori. Your comment affirms that my point was well-taken. Let’s not assume we know the whole story behind what’s going on in someone’s life-that can lead to very distorted perceptions.
Social media is a finicky beast, isn’t it. We invite people into our lives but often they read between the lines and yank out their own truth. I’m in agreement – we are only getting a fraction of the story and sometimes the rest of it just isn’t our business. 🙂
Now that’s a good point too Tiffany…sometimes what we don’t share isn’t necessary to be known 😉 The other thing about what we post on social media is that everything we post doesn’t get seen by everyone. Sometimes I may only see one in 5 of someone’s posts, and so I miss 4/5 of the story and that is a bit like playing the old game of telephone where much is misinterpreted in the translation!
Amen. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been shocked by someone’s interpretation of something I’ve posted on social media. I, too, feel called to live life out loud authentically. Too often people are distracted from Christ because Christian lives appear to be perfect or easy and they are more than aware that their own life isn’t.
I don’t ever want to be a stumbling block because someone thought I lived a charmed life because I was Christian. Nothing is farther from the truth.
Great words here, sister! Sharing them later on #TheocentricThursdays?
Blessings,
Carrie
Thanks Carrie! It’s a fine line between living authentically out loud, and appearing too perfect or too pitiful. I think if we keep our eyes on Him, and seek to glorify Him, it helps keep us centered on that line. Thanks for stopping by! I’ll catch ya later 😉
I too attempt to be positive, especially in social media, but I also believe in letting people in as much as possible. You are showing others that you can move on, move past, go on and grow. It is easy to misinterpret others messages, it is kind that your friends checked in on you. They love you.
I am blessed to have caring friends Nikki. I also believe its important to let others in. Sometimes, social media just doesn’t convey the whole picture.
Thank you for once again speaking truth! It’s difficult to find the balance between oversharing and being inauthentic. Discretion in posting is something we need to teach our kids.
Oh yes, Anita, it is a balance. And you are so right – we must teach our children discretion in posting! They have a very limited view on how their posts may affect them and their future. Thanks for that great point.
Thank you for linking up at Social Butterfly Sunday this week! This was an amazing read and so very true. I have had similar experiences where I have gone through difficult situations, and have not aired my life on social media. After going through those times though, I did the same as you and expressed where my faith stood and offered encouragement to others. I’m so very glad you stopped by. Hope to see you link up again this week 🙂
The Bible tells us we will go through struggles, but it also tells us what our attitude should be toward them and through them. Sharing truth is one thing, but enlisting attendees in a pity-party is another. Thanks for stopping by, and taking the time to comment. Hope to see you again sometime!
I so agree that we do more damage than good when we aren’t real in our struggle. I love this: “During my time of grief, I prayed about what and how much to share in my blog and on social media. I felt like God impressed upon my heart to “grieve well” and to “be authentic in my grief.” I have felt similar promptings about having integrity and using social media to be honest but shine the light back on Christ in my good times and bad. I have both many times been misunderstood on social media and have misunderstood others. It can’t be the gauge we use to determine someone’s 100 percent state of mind or emotions. Great post!
Thanks for your encouraging words Bonnie Lyn! I believe we are called to be authentic and genuine, but I also believe the admonition of Philippians 4:8 to think on what is good, pure, true, lovely, etc. So the question I have to ask myself before putting information out there is what purpose does it serve? Is it helpful for directing someone else to think Godly thoughts? We can share our authentic struggles but point the light to God. Blessings my friend!
Great post and so true. I only see a portion of what people portray. Therefore we need to tread lightly and not over react. I don’t like to be misunderstood. It upsets me. So it’s not good for me to do it.
You bring up a good point – if we don’t want to be judged on partial information, we shouldn’t do that to others.
Definitely both! I think email is this trap too. I was once taught by a friend, and I honestly thought she was very angry at me in email. She was surprised I thought that. This can be challenging for relationships, especially long distance ones. Face time is always necessary to keep our friendships strong and to help each other.
Gina, you raise a good point. Not only does social media impact our perception based on partial information, so too does email and texting. It’s hard to get the subtle nuances of body language and tone of voice which goes a long way to helping us accurately interpret the true message behind the words. Great lesson to learn.
Thank you for such a very insightful post!
You have encouraged me to remember there is a WHOLE person beneath a Facebook post and that I should not rush to judgement one way or the other, but to show grace in my thoughts and attitude toward them.
God’s Word tells us that in love we are to “believe all things”.
No matter what a FB status indicates, I must believe the best about that person.
Karen, “believe all things”, the best about others is a beautiful aspiration. It sure beats the alternative. I’d like others to believe the best of me, at least give me the benefit of the doubt, so I need to be willing to do that for others. Thanks for visiting and taking the time to point that out! Blessings!
I was JUST talking about this. “So the next time you notice someone’s posts, remember, you’re only getting the cliffs notes version. There is always more to the story.” —> YES, YES, YES. Assumptions drive me crazy. Thanks for sharing this and linking up at #ThreeWordWednesday.
Thanks Kristin. Yes, assumptions are quite problematic–even when they come from those who love us. It helps me to remember that I would want people to give me the benefit of the doubt and love and accept me regardless of my mistakes. So glad you popped over! Have a blessed weekend!
True. When posting, I’m open and honest. It’s a vulnerable position, but I also try to keep a balance between negative and positive tone. That is the hardest thing to do with a chronic illness blog, because my illness is Chronic. I’m sure sometimes on social media, the readers may not always see the real me. But, then social media is just a way to reach those who might follow my writing long-term. Then, the bigger picture would be a more clear vision of what I’m all about. Thanks for sharing your thought-provoking article at Together on Tuesdays 🙂 I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for coming by the blog! I hope it’s just a reminder to all of us that we see just a snippet of one’s life on social media, and we should not jump to conclusions based on that. Blessings!
Thank you Dr. Michelle. I try to be more positive on FB, but sometimes I just can’t. Thanks for the reminder to be careful what we say.
Here from HomeMattersPArty.
Sometimes authenticity and vulnerability means sharing the hard times as well as the good times. I think we just have to be careful about reading too much into small snippets of “communication.” Keep up the good work!
YES! Your words resonate with me today. We are seeing the cliff notes version of a person’s life and making a judgment on what is going on is better left to contacting the person personally to find out the whole story. I know too many people who share a very small snippet and it gets you wondering more often in a worrying way than in a positive way. I think they do it purposely. Great reminder as one who posts on social media at times but also reads a lot of tweets and FB posts. So glad you shared this at The Weekend Brew.
So happy to see you here Mary! I think we have to be careful to be authentic in our communication and give others the same consideration that we would like to be given; remembering that things are not always as they seem.
Agreed that many people seem to do it on purpose. I think it’s a pride/ego thing. Or people just want attention.
LOVE this post. It is very true. You never truly know what a “friend” is feeling if all you are seeing is their Facebook/Twitter updates.
I wrote a post on why I quit Facebook from a personal level. I still use it for blogging but it’s limited. Not sure if I’m allowed to place the link or not, please delete it not.
I’ve learned that I don’t have as many friends as I thought I did! And honestly, at first, that made me sad. Then, I realized how precious my true friendships are.
http://www.adventuresinfrugalland.com/i-said-goodbye-to-facebook/
I’ve taken breaks from social media from time to time as well. It helped me to reconnect with the people in my life that meant the most. Our true friendships are of great value! And those are the ones who likely know the back story of our lives and not just the cliff note version.
I am glad that I found you and this helpful post via #HomeMattersParty I do love your analogy of the duck gliding and the feet working so hard under the water where we do not see the action.
Thanks, Kathleen
#HomeMattersParty
So glad you stopped by, Kathleen! Hope we see you again. Blessings!
Many don’t like the grace of a duck gliding – seeing only the surface, not seeing those feet underneath – and they feel like it’s unfair and they’ve been dealt a harsh hand. It’s so important to always look beyond the surface. The optimism of hope and faith is also often misconstrued as “problem-free.” I think often people respond to a post through the lense of their own feelings of where they are at the moment, too! our points contain such truth! So glad I stopped by!
Thank you for your encouraging words. You make the very astute point that people often respond to what they see/hear/read through the lens of their own current feelings, misattributing what they see to how they feel. But even when the surface is calm, there is much activity below the surface that just isn’t seen unless we are in the deep with them. Blessings! I hope you’ll stop by again!
Very true, it seems people either post only the perfection or complaints in their lives on social media. And our perception of those posts can be interpreted based on how we are feeling that day. Thanks for sharing with Small Victories Sunday Linkup last week. Pinning to our linkup board and hope you joined us again this week.
I think you’re right…”our perception of those posts can be interpreted based on how we are feeling that day.” So important that we guard our hearts and minds, and not base conclusions on our feelings! Thanks for visiting!
I love this Michelle! So true on so many levels and what a great reminder. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Sweet Rachael. I think it’s just so important to recognize it, and guard our hearts and minds. Glad you stopped by! Blessings!
great article.very helpful.i like it
This is such a good message. I have sure had those misunderstandings or misinterpretations of what people mean on social media. I try so hard to make what I write clear so people won’t make a mistake with my perspective. Thanks so much, Dr. Michelle, for sharing this. It is certainly is relevant for today. I LOVE your blogs so much.
So important for all of us to understand.