I recently had the chance to interview Richella Parham on the podcast Finding Freedom from Comparing Yourself to Others – Episode 40 about our tendency to constantly compare ourselves to others. She knows the struggle. She is sharing three prayers that will help you stop comparing yourself to others. The path to freedom is paved with prayer.
Three Prayers to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
By Richella Parham
In learning to live in freedom from constant comparison, I discovered again and again that such a deep-seated habit won’t change overnight. Sometimes articles and books make promises such as “Five Steps to Success” or “21 Days to Freedom!” I’ve learned through hard experience that those are empty promises. Real, lasting change takes time.
But change is possible. If you’re worried that you’ll never break free from constantly comparing yourself to others, take heart! There is a path to freedom, and it’s paved with prayer.
Ask for God’s help
As you learn to walk in the security of the knowledge that you are God’s beloved child, you will still be tempted to compare yourself with others, so you’ll need a method to combat the temptation, right in the moment of trial. The best tool I’ve found is to ask for God’s help—to prevail upon God’s strength to accomplish what I’m too weak to do on my own. I’m not surprised that Paul exhorted his readers to “pray without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17) and to “continue steadfastly in prayer” (Colossians 4:2, ESV).
Breath prayers: praying without ceasing
One of the ways that Christians over the centuries have heeded the admonishment to pray without ceasing is to develop a simple petition that can be uttered in one breath. The best-known of these “breath prayers” was adapted from one of Jesus’ parables about prayer, when Jesus warned against self-righteousness and praised the sincerity of a tax collector who pleaded, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner” (Luke 18:13). The words “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner” are known simply as the “Jesus Prayer.”
For many years, whenever I began to notice that I was comparing myself to someone else, I would berate myself. “There you go again,” I often said to myself, feeling helpless to change. I’ve learned it’s better to use that sigh of helplessness to fuel a prayer for help. The words need not be eloquent or impressive; breath prayers are not mantras to be repeated mindlessly or magic incantations. No, these are prayers to the living God, who is able and willing to help us. Hebrews 4:16 reminds us to “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” A breath prayer is one way to do that.
Three prayers to stop comparing yourself to others
Depending on what’s going on in my heart when I catch myself thinking or speaking in terms of comparison, I’ve discovered that I may need one or more of three different kinds of help from God.
1. If I realize that I’m being tempted to forget my security as God’s beloved child, I say “Father, ground me in your love.”
2. If I feel that I’ve given in to comparison and then to sin, I pray, “Forgive me, Lord, and show me the way.”
3. If I’ve indulged in comparison to the point of envying another person, I’ve learned to thank God for that person’s gifts and to pray for a blessing for that person. For instance, if I find myself wishing that I had another person’s appearance, possessions, or position, I immediately pray, “Lord, please continue to bless (name) and help them use your gifts well.”
These simple words, uttered in a single breath, halt the act of comparison habit cycle in its tracks. When I replace words of comparison with words that both offer a plea to God and at the same time remind me that I am not alone in my struggle, I am reminded that there is hope for real change.
God is with us and for us, always willing to help us when we ask. With His help, we can break the toxic habit of constant comparison and learn to live in the freedom of His unfailing love.
How do you combat the tendency toward comparison? We’d love to hear your strategies in the comments below!
About Richella Parham:
Richella Parham is a speaker, a blogger at ImpartingGrace.com, and the author of Mythical Me: Finding Freedom from Constant Comparison and A Spiritual Formation Primer.
The mother of three young adult sons, she lives in Durham, North Carolina with her husband, Jack. She serves in leadership and worship planning at The Gathering Church.
Stay connected with Richella Parham: Website / Book / Facebook / Instagram / Twitter
Mythical Me: Finding Freedom from Constant Comparison by Richella Parham.
After finding herself stuck in the comparison trap, Richella Parham began to study comparison in earnest. She identified myths she believed about herself, God and other people. In Mythical Me, she shares about those myths and the eternal truths she used as a map for the journey out of the comparison trap.
Anyone interested in looking a little further into the book before deciding to buy can read the first chapter at ivpress.com/mythical-me. Anyone who purchases the book can download a companion prayer guide; it’s available at mythicalmebook.com.
Oh wow, even more wonderful help to keep from going down the path of comparison. Thank you for sharing these ‘breath prayers’ that are simple but so connected to the heart of God. I am so thankful to have this blog to share with those I know who deal with this issue. I know they will be so encouraged. Love and appreciate you, Dr. Michelle, and Richella.
Karen, I like your choice of words: “going down the path of comparison.” You’re right: it’s a path we can follow, a path leading to discontent and disconnection. I am so grateful you found some help in my words here! God bless you.
Thanks for sharing. We cannot be too careful with this subject because comparison steals the joy we’ve been blessed with. Blessings to you!
Yes indeed! Comparison can indeed steal our joy, so it’s a subject worth considering carefully. Every blessing to you!
Comparison is the thief of joy! Great post!
Pinned & tweeted.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Yes, Patsy, you’re right: comparison is indeed the thief of joy. Hope your day is joy-filled! Blessings to you!!
Great advice! I struggle with comparison (which usually manifests itself as mental put-downs). I’ll be using these prayers to help me break the habit.
All three of these are so good and beneficial. This is the one that speaks the most to me today: “I’ve learned to thank God for that person’s gifts and to pray for a blessing for that person.” Thanks for sharing in such a clear and concise way.
Today I started a You Version Bible App Group Bible study with some fellow bloggers and today’s devotional talked about God the creator and how we are fearfully and wonderfully made, but when we think less of ourselves or others, we are not honoring the God who made us.
Thanks for sharing these great insights into how to combat the comparison trap.
I like this concept of “breath prayers,” and these three are so helpful! Thank you!
I love Richella, and I loved her book! Thanks for sharing her message of hope here!
So very helpful! laurensparks.net