As a parent, we are always concerned about the physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being of our children. It’s heart wrenching when they struggle with depression, anxiety, addiction, or a myriad of emotional difficulties. On a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, I had the opportunity to chat with Lori Wildenberg, who recounted the painful time her daughter went through significant depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation (Listen here: How a Mother Helped Her Child Find Healing from Depression, Anxiety, and Suicidal Thoughts.) Lori shared from her heart not only of her painful wounds, but also the faithfulness of God, and how she has witnessed Him giving her sacred scars in place of her wounds. I hope Lori’s story will encourage you, and that her wisdom here will equip you in knowing when your child or teen is more than just sad.

Warning Signs Your Teen Is More than Just Sad
By Lori Wildenberg

I was fooled. Everyone was duped. My daughter appeared to be light-hearted, happy, and even carefree. This was her joyful personality. None of us realized, beneath the surface lurked the darkness of depression.

Looking back on those days, there were signs, but I didn’t see them until it was almost too late. My daughter put on the mask of who she thought she was supposed to be, who she thought people expected her to be. She presented herself as happy even when she felt as if she was dying inside. She didn’t want to burden anyone with her sadness. She thought the pain would disappear, she believed she was strong enough to push through it, and she thought her faith would see her through.

Recognizing When Your Teen’s Sadness Is Something More Serious

She was able to muddle through, wearing her happy mask for several months. But then life got too hard, too much to bear. It’s not that she wanted to die, it’s just that she didn’t want to live.

The biggest and scariest moment was when I realized there was no emotion in her voice. Her tone was flat. As we spoke on the phone, I could almost see her shrugging her shoulders with an, “I don’t care” attitude. I planned to drive the four hours to her college campus the next day to check on her. That night she attempted to take her life. Praise God her attempt was unsuccessful.

I wish I had known the warning signs. Then I could have helped my daughter before the depression became a crisis. Depression is common, temporary, and treatable if help is sought. But many people do not seek help and struggle in silence. “Depression is longer, deeper, and has an air of hopelessness that sadness does not have.”¹

“Here are common signs your child is more than just sad: lethargy, inability to concentrate, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, negativity, pessimism, frequent crying episodes, withdrawal, neglecting personal appearance, anger, guilt, unable to make decisions, loss in interest in activities previously enjoyed, eating and sleeping too much or too little are symptoms to watch out for. Depression is more likely to seep in when a person is their late teen years to mid-twenties.”²

My daughter was away at college when many of these symptoms showed themselves. If I had been more aware, I would have picked up on the warning signs during our phone conversations. I had noticed her inability to make decisions, decisions that were made were irrational, her jokes about her messy room (an overly messy room reflected the chaos in her mind), comments about being so tired and not being able to sleep, and the flat affect in her voice.

If someone wants to hide their depression, they are able. That is why so many loved ones say, “I had no idea they were struggling with depression.” What I believe our teens and young adults need to hear is that asking for help and receiving help is a brave and wise thing to do. Instead, they often get the message, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get over it.” Or, “It’s not so bad.”

The Christian community may also toss a little shame into the mix by stating, “If you had more faith, you wouldn’t be depressed or anxious.” That statement could be followed up with a quote from Philippians 4:6-7 for an additional punch, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” These things are not helpful to a hurting person.

Biblical Figures Who Wrestled with Mental Health Struggles

That verse from Philippians was written because there is anxiousness and depression in the human experience. Think of David, Elijah, and Jeremiah. All of whom appeared to wrestle with mental health struggles.

David wrote in Psalm 42:11, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?”

Elijah is quoted in 1 Kings 19:4, “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”

Jeremiah, the weeping prophet lamented, “Why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame?” (Jeremiah 20:18).

Even Jesus struggled with deep grief in the Garden of Gethsemane, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me” (Matthew 26:38).

Jesus reached out for support and help from Peter, James, and John. That is our example. We should not struggle alone. And if we are the ones being asked for help, hopefully we will do a little better than Jesus’ disciples who slept instead of prayed.

Seeking Help Is a Brave Choice for Teens Battling Depression

Let’s keep our eyes open to the warning signs. Let’s fold our hands in prayer rather than wave off another’s shared feelings of deep sadness. God will use us to assist our young people when they struggle. There is no shame in the struggle, it is common to man. We are not alone. Reaching out and asking for help is a smart and hopeful thing to do.

Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). We will experience struggle and yet we have hope in the struggle.

I praise God my daughter did get help. Her depression was treated. She is OK. Even better than OK! She and I have a pact. I can ask her, “How are you doing?” She will answer me honestly. And I will believe her answer.

 

Is your teen more than just sad? Learn to spot the warning signs of teen depression before it becomes a crisis. Read more for actionable ways to support your teen. Share on X Sadness or something deeper? Even David, Elijah, and Jeremiah faced despair. Discover how to recognize teen depression and offer support when it’s needed most. Share on X

 

¹Lori Wildenberg, Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation (Birmingham: New Hope-Iron Stream Media), 2021, 115.
²Ibid, 115-116.

 

About Lori Wildenberg

Lori Wildenberg is the author of the multi-award winning book, Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation. Go to Lori’s website for more information on her speaking ministry and books. loriwildenberg.com. Click here to receive 10 Ways to Strengthen Your Child’s Resiliency and Help Prevent Depression.

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