3 Things You Need to Know About Unhealed Childhood Trauma

Pain and suffering are rampant. Wounds are prevalent. And healing is necessary. On the podcast, Your Hope-Filled Perspective, we’ve been doing a Sacred Scar Story Series in which I’ve been talking to real people about real hurts and real healing in the hands of our redemptive God. I recently talked with Tammy Kennington about her painful wounds as the survivor of childhood trauma and watching a loved one walk through the same thing, as well as God’s healing in her life. She is sharing with us three things you need to know about unhealed childhood trauma.

3 Things You Need to Know About Unhealed Childhood Trauma
By Tammy Kennington

The out-of-state university provided a respite from mayhem. There, in a calm new world, I reconstructed life. Refashioned my identity. Pretended everything was normal. Still, the specter of unhealed childhood trauma haunted my steps.

For several years, I evaded the past–marrying my high school sweetheart and starting a family. But even in the safety of our relationship, I struggled with fears of abandonment. Unexplainable responses—such as anger or anxiety—in the face of everyday occurrences. Nightmares filled with images of violence and abuse. Even suicidal ideation.

Unhealed childhood trauma wove its way into the daily fabric of my family’s life, and I longed for escape. Freedom from myself. The past. The pain. Embarrassed and ashamed, I finally sought help from a Christian counselor. That first appointment represented the starting point on my path toward healing.

Three Things You Must Know About Unhealed Childhood Trauma

Unfortunately, unaddressed childhood trauma exists long after events occur—even traumatic situations we no longer recall—with the mind and body testifying to our deepest secrets and fears.

Maybe you share some of the traits I experienced. If so, you might feel confused. Uncertain. Fearful. How can you temper unwanted responses and move toward healing from a soul-deep wound?

There are three things every survivor of childhood trauma must know to make progress.

1. Healing only occurs when trauma is confronted.

Perhaps like me, you tried to outdistance childhood trauma. Maybe you drown overwhelming memories in a bottle or quell pain with a favorite food. These unhealthy responses represent our best efforts to mitigate trauma. These and other methods of managing inner turmoil and suffering work for a time, but unhealed trauma imitates a gangrenous infection. The poison spreads—even threatening one’s existence if ignored or untreated.

Bessel Van Der Kolk, the author of The Body Keeps the Score and well-known trauma therapist once wrote, “As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”

My experience reflects the truth in Van Der Kolk’s words. Healing from childhood trauma requires that one first step into the pain of the past. Admit the sharp-edged reality of trauma without diminishing its impact on your life.

Do you doubt your ability to handle a confrontation with dusty, frightening memories and overwhelming emotion? I did, too. I admit it’s difficult. Wearying. But we know that we “can do all things” through Christ. (Philippians 4:13). With the Lord at your side and in the company of a trauma-focused, biblical counselor, you will gain power over childhood trauma. You will begin to experience fewer nightmares, learn practical exercises and techniques to help when triggered, and develop a clearer sense of your value and worth as a daughter of God.

Sharing your story with a trusted counselor will provide you with a safe environment in which to heal free of re-traumatization. Some effective therapeutic approaches include CBT, renewal prayer, and art therapy. You may find one type more helpful than another at different points in your life or respond better to one style of support than another.

Keep in mind that healing requires time. Allow me to illustrate. While serving in the military, my father-in-law suffered a gunshot wound that left a gaping hole in his leg. Over the years, pieces of shrapnel emerged and required removal. Childhood trauma holds to a similar pattern. New memories, events, and hurts surface over time—unhinging bit by bit from the hidden corners of the mind and soul.

2. Unhealed childhood trauma requires the support of those we love.

Unaddressed trauma often leads to relational challenges. Perhaps you identify with some of the struggles already mentioned or those listed below.

Difficulty trusting others.
Attachment issues that manifest as clinginess or emotional numbness.
Trauma responses resulting in sudden anger, panic attacks, or disengagement.
Problems with emotional or sexual intimacy.
Depression.
Suicidality and/or self-harm.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) expressed through trauma avoidance, hypervigilance, nightmares or flashbacks.
Dissociative disorders.

The list above seems daunting, but the same Savior who opened the eyes of the blind, cleansed lepers of disease, and conquered death through the miracle of resurrection still answers prayer today. He hears your voice and pleas for mercy. (Psalm 116:1-2)

In the space before healing occurs and if you are married, communication with your husband will prove imperative. Both of you must navigate choppy waters and working in concert will grow you closer together. I recommend you both attend marriage and/or family counseling as well as read books about specific trouble areas with one another.

Such positive choices foster mutual empathy, understanding, and healthy interactions.

The expanse between current circumstances and complete healing always stretches beyond what we and our loved ones prefer. But you and your family can move ahead—arms linked in solidarity and resolve.

3. You can recover from unhealed childhood trauma.

Clambering up the face of a mountain on a moonless night and healing from unresolved trauma both seem impossible. But as someone who now lives healed and whole, I know one can triumph over trauma.

Locate that therapist. Find a support group. Decide to move from victim to survivor.

At times, you will want to give up. Can I encourage you? Refuse the enemy the satisfaction of dragging you into hopelessness and unbelief. Instead, cling to the truth, “I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. (John 10:10 NKJV)

Exploring your thoughts, feelings, responses, and history is an arduous task. Be patient with yourself. The path will prove rockier and more difficult some days than others. But as you near the summit, you will notice that the place from which your journey began grows indistinct. Less important. Why? Because the Shepherd delivered you out of the valley to a place of victory.

What have you found helpful for dealing with past trauma? We’d love to know in the comments below.

If any of these Sacred Scar Stories have encouraged you, consider picking up a copy of Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted.

Unhealed childhood trauma can weave itself into every part of life. @TammyKennington shares three things every survivor of childhood trauma must know to make progress. Share on X Unhealed childhood trauma doesn’t stay buried. It shows up in relationships, thoughts, and emotional reactions—even years later. @TammyKennington shares what you need to know. Share on X

About Tammy Kennington

Tammy Kennington is an author, educator, speaker, and life coach familiar with the impact of trauma, mental health issues, and parenting in the hard places. She strives to lead women from hardship to hope and share Christ’s love with the young and young at heart.