The radiation technician’s smile was comforting as she held my hand to steady me as I got down on the cold, hard “bed.” She very calmly explained each step of the procedure to me. She didn’t know my professional background, or that I knew the intricacies of this procedure. Nor did she know that I needed the assurances as a patient rather than a doctor that day.

“I’m going to leave you, but I’ll be able to hear you from behind the wall if you need anything. The machine will tell you when to breathe and when to hold your breath.” No sooner had she said that and I realized I had already been holding my breath, for what seemed like days.

Ever since my doctor informed me, “We need to run a few more tests to get a better idea of what’s causing your pain,” I had been holding my breath…waiting.

No sooner did she leave my side and I felt alone in that large, cold room.

Alone, but not really alone. God promised to never leave me. I knew that, but my soul longed to feel it too.

I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything but the several diagnoses we were trying to rule in or out through this procedure.

The table was cold, hard, sterile, and clinical. There was nothing inviting about it. The paper “sheet” crinkled as the table moved into the scanner.

I heard the robotic instructions, “Breathe…Hold. Your. Breath.”

Ironically, I felt like I had been holding my breath waiting for a diagnosis and treatment plan. But I didn’t need to. Whatever it was, God and I would face it together. He had cautioned, “Be still and know I AM God.”

The scan would hopefully see any physical abnormality contributing to my pain and discomfort, and yet I knew God already knew what was wrong, and He could see the attitude of my heart. Even modern medicine wasn’t that good.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life” (Psalm 139:23-24).

As much as I was hoping this procedure would lead to answers, treatment, and a cure, this recent ailment took me to my knees in prayer. I was more interested in becoming closer in my relationship to the Lord and stronger in my faith. If God chose to use this experience toward that end, then it would serve a larger purpose.

The pain, suffering, and possible diagnoses had certainly ushered in their fair share of potential anxious thoughts. I had to choose to take those thoughts captive, remembering that God had not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound mind. I had to repent for coming into agreement with the spirit of fear, and instead, choose to accept His peace.

Nothing about my circumstances surprised God. And nothing about them were too big for Him to handle.

The pain was a constant reminder that there was something offensive within my body that didn’t belong. Yet more importantly, I didn’t want anything offensive within my heart that didn’t belong and that pained my Heavenly Father.

After the procedure was finished, the technician advised, “Drink lots of water today.”

I thought about that for the rest of the day, because what I really felt I needed was an infusion of His living water.

We will all face trials, and I admitted to a friend, I didn’t particularly want this one. It was excruciatingly painful. It was unpleasant. If I allowed the thoughts to enter my mind, it was frightening. But if I was going to experience it, I wanted to learn whatever God had for me to learn in and through it. I wanted to really try to count it all joy, for the fruit that grows in the valley of trials is rich:

“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing” (James 1:2-4).

A dear friend often says, “Doctors diagnose and treat. Surgeons operate. God heals.” So while I was looking to doctors to diagnose and treat what ailed me, I was looking to God to search not just my physical body but also the condition of my heart and heal whatever He saw that was other than the way He created it, so I could be restored in His sight.

He is Jehovah Raphe, the God who heals what ails you. What do you need healing for today, in mind, body, or spirit? Will you let Him search you?

Because of Him, #HopePrevails!

May I pray for you?
Heavenly Father, I know so many who are dealing with health issues right now, and even more who are dealing with matters of the heart. You are Jehovah Raphe, the God who heals. I petition you now to touch the one reading these words, and make anything that isn’t the way you created them to be, in fully restored order consistent with your original design. Father, whether it’s a physical illness, mental illness, financial strain, relationship infection, or something else, I ask you to apply your healing balm, while holding them close in your hand, under the refuge of your wing. I thank you in advance for all you have already begun to do. In the healing name of Jesus, Amen.

Hope Prevails Book and Hope Prevails Bible Study {hope for overcoming depression}

Available now through book retailers!

Hope Prevails: Insights From a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression and the new companion Hope Prevails Bible Study help the reader understand how depression comes to be, recover their joy, reclaim their peace, and re-establish their true identity, while knowing their worth, remembering their secure destiny, and being confident that nothing separates them from God’s love.

 

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