So, What Now? 5 Steps to Find Hope When a Loved One Struggles with Addiction

Very few of us will get through this life untouched by one who struggled with addiction. For one of my recent guests on Your Hope-Filled Perspective Podcast, Sonja Meyrer, that person was her husband, who struggled with alcoholism. Sonja and I chatted about the painful wounds she experienced as a result of his addiction to alcohol, as well as the good that God has brought from it in the form of sacred scars (How to Find Hope and Healing When Alcohol Addiction Affects Your Family.) Maybe you find yourself in a similar position, and wondering what to do? I’ve asked Sonja to share some of her wisdom here.

So, What Now? 5 Steps to Find Hope When a Loved One Struggles with Addiction
by Sonja Meyrer, MAT, CPRC

You have begun to accept that someone in your life might be struggling with an alcohol issue, but they don’t seem to want to address it. Maybe you have begged, cried, pleaded, discussed, and “pointed out” the obvious, but still, no permanent changes have happened. You might be at a relationship stalemate or locked into a pattern of explosive arguments, followed by unfruitful silence. Desperate for a solution, you may have no idea what to do.

So, what now?

5 Steps to Find Hope When a Loved One Struggles with Addiction

Here are 5 ideas:

1. Do Nothing.*

When we get to our wits’ end and we realize that all of our tactics, conversations and strategies have failed, we might decide we are finally ready to try something new. Out of sheer exhaustion, boiling resentment or heightened adrenaline, we might feel a compulsion to “do” something more radical. But there is not much to be gained when we make an impulsive decision under emotional duress. More often than not, we end up offering up an ultimatum and then backing down when the pushback is too much to handle. Better to do nothing at all until you get some help and support and consider your options carefully and thoughtfully. (See below)

2. Get support.

Al-Anon (or related groups such as Celebrate Recovery) is a support group created for anyone affected by someone else’s alcohol addiction. In Al-Anon meetings, we listen to the experience, strength, and hope of those who have gone before us and work through concrete steps to help us find our peace and serenity regardless of the choices of the alcoholic in our lives. Check out www.al-anon.org to find local meetings and other information.
A licensed therapist or professional coach (who has experience with addiction) can be extremely useful in helping us process our emotions and consider our options as we pursue our own health. In addition, a psychiatrist can be supportive if we struggle with sleeplessness, anxiety, depression or other mental-health-related issues.
An inner circle or support team (pastor, family, friends, etc.) is imperative to help us through this difficult season. Find a few people who can be trusted to listen, speak truth, process, pray, and hold you accountable. Ask them specifically to be on your “team” and let them know what you need them to do.
Pray for guidance. Living with someone else’s addiction can be confusing and overwhelming. Ask God to show you how to be kind and respectful while having to set boundaries that someone else may not like. Pray for the person struggling – that they might turn to help and cling to your faith in them.

3. Learn.

Addiction is called cunning, baffling, and powerful for a reason. Educate yourself to gain clarity and develop empathy. Then hear what experts have to say about understanding codependency and setting boundaries. Click HERE for a list of books, websites and other resources.

4. Set small boundaries.

Learn to articulate your non-negotiable values and set boundaries to protect yourself from unacceptable behaviors.
For example:

Because I value respect, I will not allow my alcoholic loved-one (or anyone for that matter) to yell at me, taunt, threaten, intimidate or badger me. The next time this happens, I will remove myself from this person’s presence.

Start small and specific if you can be sure to follow-through. Use your support team for accountability. My book, “And Then You Went Missing: A Hope-Filled Guide for Anyone Lost in a Difficult Relationship” (Amazon) offers practical steps for setting healthy boundaries in love.

5. Take care of yourself (and your children).

Sleep, hydrate, eat well and exercise. Taking care of your biological needs is imperative to keeping a steady head and making difficult decisions.
Keep your mind from obsessive thinking by practicing mindfulness or meditation.
Allow yourself to grieve. Addiction can put a strain on finances, relationships, physical and emotional health, and sometimes even dreams.

Above all else, continue to cling to a recovery truth: With God’s strength and wisdom, you can live a life of peace and serenity regardless of the choice of other people.

*If you find yourself in a physically or emotionally abusive situation, your priority is to get yourself (and your family) to safety first.

What else have you found helpful? We’d love to hear in the comments below.

[If this Sacred Scar Story Series has encouraged you in any way, consider picking up a copy of Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted.]

Loving someone with an addiction can feel hopeless—but you’re not alone. Here are 5 steps to find hope and healing, even when they won’t change. Share on X So, what now? When a loved one struggles with addiction, it’s hard to know what to do next. These 5 steps offer hope, healing, and faith-filled guidance. Share on X

Guest Sonja Meyrer:

Sonja Meyrer is a certified professional coach who helps people navigate difficult relationships and situations where they feel “stuck.” She offers individual coaching and intensive workshops through her private practice. A former educator and curriculum designer, she is also deeply embedded in the recovery community and works closely with people whose lives have been affected by addiction Her book, “And Then You Went Missing – A Hope-Filled Guide for Anyone Stuck in a Difficult Relationship” launched as an Amazon best-seller in several categories. Sonja resides in St. Louis, loves Jesus, running, her family and anything that involves coffee or chocolate.