Dear Dr. B.,

I’m really angry with someone who harmed me. I know I should forgive them, but I don’t feel like it. How do I forgive when I don’t feel like forgiving? What advice do you have for me? 

Forgiveness Challenged

Dear Challenged,

I’m glad you asked. So much of what we struggle with comes from carrying around bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness in our hearts. Recognizing the need to forgive is the first step, and you’ve done that.

Unforgiveness is like drinking a poison and expecting it to kill the other person. It doesn’t quite work that way!

How do you forgive even when you don’t want to?

In my practice, I often hear, “But, I can’t forgive them. It’s like forgetting what they have done.”

Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It’s about saying to God, “I give them and the situation to You because I know You can handle it better than I can.”

When you release the situation to God, the burden is no longer yours to carry, but His. He says He is our defender and He will fight for us.

He says in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.”

Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling

Don’t mistake forgiveness for feelings. People often say they do not feel like forgiving or they have forgiven someone but still do not feel it.

Sometimes, it takes our body and our mind time to catch up. Declare you forgive them and believe it. The feeling will come later. Forgiveness is an act of will. If we wait to forgive until we feel like it, it will never happen.

Choose to forgive. Let God take care of the rest.


Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It’s about saying to God, “I give them and the situation to You because I know You can handle it better than I can.” Read more for what to do when you don't feel like forgiving. #forgiveness #hope #faith


Hope Prevails!


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When someone hurts you, you don’t always feel like forgiving them. Forgiveness is not about forgetting what a person did. It’s about trusting God to handle a situation. Read more for how to forgive someone when you don’t feel like it. #forgiveness #hope #faith #trustGod