My mother always said, “You are blessed if you have one good friend in life.”
As a youngster, who had what I thought were many friends, that didn’t make any sense to me. It always seemed to me that “the more, the better.” You know, like the popular kids.
I was never the “popular girl,” though I longed to be. But neither did I ever want for friends. I was fortunate to have many good friends throughout my life, and several friendships that have spanned decades.
Such relationships have varied in intensity, strength, depth, and intentionality. A little like a bulls-eye. I’ve had those friendships that I would characterize more as habitual acquaintances. We’ve learned a little bit about each other, enough to ask about the other when we stumble upon each other in the grocery store or soccer field, maybe even pray for each other.
And then there are those friendships that I’ve nurtured with greater intentionality. We enjoy each other’s company, know each other’s preferences, care about the day to day. We enjoy time together and miss it when time passes without it.
In the center of the bulls-eye are those treasured friendships who hold a valued piece of your heart. Those are the friends who know your private dreams, successes, and failures, and accept you regardless. They hold up your arms when you lack the strength, like Aaron and Hur did for Moses. Their presence fills you with joy, and their absence is missed greatly, yet when you reunite, it’s like no time passed.
Friends lend you strength by their prayers, bless you through their love, and refresh your well-spring of hope through their encouragement.
The best of friends extend mercy, grace, and forgiveness. They recognize you aren’t perfect, won’t be and can’t be, and understand that makes you relatable and true. Such a friend wants to know the genuine you, not the mask that conceals the wrinkles and scars formed by life’s trials and strains.
A true friend willingly speaks the truth in love, making you both better for it. But the true friend will also sit with you in your times of struggle, listen without offering advice or platitudes, and dry your tears, knowing that sometimes the greatest gift we can offer someone is our presence.
I love this quote by Henri Nouwen:
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen, Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life
Aside from God, your very best friend ought to be you. If you cannot offer these things to yourself, you won’t be able to authentically offer them to others either. But the enemy of our soul, the accuser of the brethren, works consistently to accuse us to ourselves, others, and to God. He strives to make the case that we aren’t lovable, and in believing him, we struggle to love ourselves, much less believe that God loves us.
But those thoughts you have about how unlovable you are? How much you mess up? How you should be ashamed of yourself? Those thoughts are not even your thoughts. They are offered to you by the father of lies. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, rulers of the darkness of this world and spiritual wickedness in high places.
Instead, when we fully accept and receive God’s love, believing we are all He says we are, we can then love ourselves and love others. It doesn’t matter what others think or have said about you – the only opinion that matters is God’s. He knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb, He created you perfectly in His image, and He delights in you as the apple of His eye.
Will you receive His love for you today? And in doing so, be that friend to yourself that you always needed and wanted? Then and only then can you be that friend to someone else.
Hope Prevails,
Dr. B.
(If you have a question you’d like Dr. B to answer, contact her here now. Your name and identity will be kept confidential.)
A short brief about Hope Prevails.
Hope Prevails
Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey through Depression
Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Speaking from personal and professional experience, a neuropsychologist unpacks what depression is, shows how it affects us spiritually, and offers hope for living the abundant life.
Hope Prevails Book and Hope Prevails Bible Study {hope for overcoming depression}
Available now through book retailers!
Hope Prevails: Insights From a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression and the new companion Hope Prevails Bible Study help the reader understand: how depression comes to be, recover their joy, reclaim their peace, and re-establish their true identity, while knowing their worth, remembering their secure destiny, and being confident that nothing separates them from God’s love.
Excellent thoughts and take aways for our relationships and friendships. Thank you for sharing. God bless.
Thank you Steven. So glad you visited with us today. #HopePrevails!
Great read. Thank you for writing. You really have a lovely way of expressing the essence of friendship as I see it as well.
Thank you for your sweet, encouraging words Diane. I hope you’ll visit again sometime. #HopePrevails!
Oh loved reading this today – my very best friend and I met in 3rd grade and have been more like sisters than friends. Although we went to different schools, colleges and live in different States God has kept our friendship strong.
We are blessed when we have friendships like that Melody!! Treasure it. Those friendships are true gifts from Him.
Michelle this was lovely, I now that I have come far on the road of befriending myself but still realise that there is further still to go. All by His Grace, funnily enough I wrote my own post on friendship I think just last week.
Blessings
Florence, relationships make up such a big part of our life. They can either breathe life into us, or take life from us. But if we accept the Father’s love fully, then we can love ourselves and in turn give that love and friendship to others. We’re always a work in progress! Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
i first gotta learn to be MY OWN best friend 😀
YES! That is crucial but so hard for so many to do. Yet, if we will receive God’s love, it’s so much easier to love ourselves and be our own best friend! #HopePrevails
I liked this, “It doesn’t matter what others think or have said about you – the only opinion that matters is God’s.” Having had some changes in several close friendships over the past couple of years, I have had the opportunity to rely on, and develop, the friendship that I have with God. I know that as I depend on Him and grow in His love and truth, then I will have more love to offer others, and more grace to forgive.
I also love that quote by Henri Nouwen.
Thank you for this encouraging post.
Diane, friendship with God is so often neglected as we view Him as creator, king, judge, ruler…but He is first a Father who loves us deeply and wants to spend time with us more than any earthly being ever will. As we grow in that friendship, just as you have, we will grow in our ability to love and be gracious to ourselves and others! Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
Michelle… I LOVED this post and it relates brilliantly to a study I’m doing which you are a part of.
That Henri Nouwen quote is dear to my heart also.
I am a life-long learner and love gleaning wisdom from your blog posts, especially today from this : Aside from God, your very best friend ought to be you. If you cannot offer these things to yourself, you won’t be able to authentically offer them to others either.
Give Yourself Break by Kim Fredrickson is on this topic exactly. I love it when a message is confirmed from a number of different sources !
God bless you my friend.,
Mary, you bless me with your words and your friendship. And I love how we can rely on God’s faithfulness and confirmation. He is good and He is for us! Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
Michelle,
Great insights!
I was encouraged by the quote you shared because I find that in a lot of cases because I am at a loss for words, I do as the quote suggested, but in so doing, I always felt that I had failed that person in some way by not offering advice or help. The quote helped me to see that by just being with the person, you are actually offering them a greater gift.
Thanks for sharing.
Karen
Oh Karen, there is nothing worse than feeling like we’ve failed. But if you offered another the gift of your presence, you’ve done much more than many do, and sometimes the thing that is needed most is to just not feel alone. Be encouraged that your presence makes a difference where words may not! Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
I’ve often heard, “If you aim at nothing, you’ll it it every time.” As, you mentioned, “hitting the inside of the bulls-eye” for heart-friends is where our aim should be rather than random targeting. THANKS for your contribution to Blogging For God.
And He will provide…not always how or who we might expect. Those divinely appointed friendships are the best! Thanks for visiting! Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
I will be completely honest, that whole “be your own best friend” stuff makes me leery, but I do understand the context 😉
but WOW was this the very post I needed after this past, very discouraging week. 🙁 This post *really* resonated with me. I am SO BAD at taking every lie satan whispers about me as Gospel, and not accepting what God KNOWS about me as truth 🙁
Thanks for this post <3
Katie, in a worldly sense, I would agree. I don’t mean in a self-serving, or narcissistic kind of way. But when we fully accept God’s love for us, then and only then can we love ourselves as His creation made in His image. We can only give what we have received, so we cannot truly befriend someone until we’ve allowed ourselves to accept His love, His identity for us, and love ourselves. Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
lol Yes, I knew you meant it in that context. 😉 Seriously, this post was such an encouragement to me! Thank you!
Beautifully written Dr. B! Totally resonated with all the truth you shared!
Thank you!
Lynne
Thank you for your encouraging words, Lynne. You are a blessing!
Always struggled with having lasting friends, but when I got to my 40s God helped me find great friends, by first teaching me about His friendship with me, and then helping me rest in His love. Revolutionized how I interacted with everyone!
Karen, I wish we could sit over coffee so I could hear that story! The key is first receiving HIS love and friendship…then and only then can we really love ourselves or others. I’m thrilled He did this for you! Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
God often orchestrates what we need to hear. Earlier today I caught myself thinking negative things about myself. I thought how often I am much kinder to others than to myself. I appreciate the encouragement to be a good friend to ourselves and to others. Linking with you at #TellHisStory.
Ginger, I love God’s perfect timing and His provision of everything He knows we need. I can relate to being kinder to others than myself – it begs the question, Why? If we fully receive His love for us, we can be kind to ourselves and to others. Much Love. Because of Him, #HopePrevails.
As always, Michelle, I love this! We must stop listening to the father of lies and be our own best friend so that we can fully love others! Thank you for this post!
Blessings and smiles,
Lori
Your kind words bless me, Lori. Thanks so much! We would all be so much better off if we would stop listening to the father of lies!! Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
“When we fully accept and receive God’s love, believing we are all He says we are, we can then love ourselves and love others.” Thank you for the powerful words. It’s very true that we need to be a friend ourselves to be a good friend to others. Thanks for sharing!
Yes, Robbi, we must be a friend to ourselves in order to be a good friend to others. So often I see people treating themselves in a way that they would never treat a friend. If only they would treat themselves as someone loved and adored by their Heavenly Father! May we all learn this in our journey. Because of Him, #HopePrevails.
Such a beautiful description of friendship. Seasons come and go as well as some friendships but you are right about those treasured friendships that withstand the test of time. I am blessed to have some of those and they are such a gift. Blessings on your Sunday.
Those friendships are such a treasure. It amazes me how God uses even social media now to forge friendships, support, and community. Just seeing your name and your sweet face pop up in my comments is a blessing to me, Mary. Thank you! Because of Him, #HopePrevails.
My best friend and I have weathered a lot of life changes and we’re in another one now with her going back to work outside the house full time, but I’m so grateful for our history and future. Thanks for sharing this at #ThreeWordWednesday. I’m glad I finally made my way here.
Welcome Kristin! Isn’t friendship rewarding, and rich in the weathering? I’m so grateful for those He has placed in my life and pray I sow just as much into them. Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
I have read that the average person has an entirely new set of friends every 7 or 8 years. Thinking back, that does sort of apply to me. As you change, so do your friends. Thankfully, my husband (my best friend) has been grandfathered in. lol =)
I love that your husband has been, “grandfathered in.” I do see that friendships change as the seasons in our life change. But the one constant in our lives is Jesus. Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
Thank you for sharing with us at #JoyHopeLive!
Thank you Mary. Blessings.