Is your single life a time filled with waiting, distress and frustration? It doesn’t have to be that way. God provided tools so you can enjoy your single life. If you are struggling to be content as a single, Hannah Schermerhorn shares three lessons that helped her embrace her single life.
On a recent episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective podcast, I chatted with Hannah Schermerhorn about how to live the single life without feeling lonely. Hannah was months away from getting married when her wedding was called off. She shares about the hard lessons she learned as God transformed her bitterness into joy.
Be sure to read to the end for a book giveaway!
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3 Ways to Enjoy Your Single Life
By Hannah Schermerhorn
Single. What thoughts does that word bring to your mind? For me, singleness has meant loneliness, frustration, wondering what to do with my life, unfulfilled dreams, plenty of third-wheeling, and wondering if God truly has a plan for me. It has made me feel like I am stuck on the B-Team as I watch friends and family enter relationships and get married. I wonder, “Will my day ever come? Will I ever get promoted to the A-Team?”
Being single can come with plenty of difficulties as we battle our own expectations for our lives, the pressure of society, and even our relatives asking why we haven’t brought a date to the family gathering. But singleness does not have to be a time of waiting filled with distress and frustration. God has given us the tools right here and now to make our single lives a time that we love. If you are struggling to be content in your single life, here are three lessons that helped me to embrace my single life.
1. Remember Who You Are
As a single, I really struggled with viewing myself using all of the negative connotations of singleness. I thought since I was single, I was unimportant, unloved, and not chosen. But those are all lies that are far too easy to believe in singleness. The truth is that we have a God who knows us by name (John 10:3), a God who chooses us every single day (Ephesians 1:3-4), a God who is always with us (Matthew 28:20), and a God who loves us so much that he died for us (John 3:16)!
A human being can never fill the hole we have in our hearts that only God’s perfect love can give us. Being loved by God means that we have a God who cares about every breath we take, every moment we experience, and we get to spend eternity with him in heaven. Your identity is not that you are single. It is that you are loved by God.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love.”- Jeremiah 31:3 NIV
2. Make a Choice
It is easy to view singleness as a time of waiting until marriage. It is tempting to think that our lives will finally begin once we are married. If you are like me, as you scroll through all the cute couple photos on social media, you may struggle with feeling sorry for yourself since your life has not turned out the way you hoped. That self-pity can stretch for days, weeks, or even years if we don’t keep it in check.
But God has given us a choice in our singleness every single day. We can either spend our days feeling sorry for ourselves and obsessing over trying to be in a relationship or we can understand what God is really doing with our singleness.
When Jesus’ friend, Lazarus, died Jesus raised him from the dead. But right before Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, Jesus wept. Jesus knew that a happy ending was coming in a matter of moments but he still the felt the pain of Lazarus’ friends and family. He cared about every feeling they were experiencing.
The same is true for you and me. God knows how we struggle with our self-worth, uncertainty, rejection, and hopeless in singleness, and he feels it with us. But just like with Lazarus, he is allowing us to be in this place, despite how hard it can be. Jesus allowed Lazarus to die but his resurrection caused multitudes of people to believe in Jesus so we can join them in heaven someday. You may not understand why you need to be single right now, but God is also going to use it for good.
God allowed Joseph to wait in slavery and prison until ultimately making him ruler of Egypt so he could save his family and many others from famine. He allowed Abraham and Sarah to wait to reach “an old age” to have their son Isaac whose family line the savior would come through. And he is allowing you to be single right now for a reason as well.
Can you make the choice to trust that God knows what he is doing? Can you decide to embrace this time in your life as one that God has lovingly and wisely chosen for you to be in?
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28 NIV
3. Shine in Your Singleness
Singleness can make us focus on the one thing we don’t have rather than all the blessings that God has poured out on us. One area that has especially made a difference for me to be thankful is exploring the talents and abilities God has given me. God has made each of us unique, and the more we pursue the person God has made us to be, the less important our relationship status becomes.
If you are struggling with singleness, start exploring the dreams that are on your heart. Maybe it is a whisper of a volunteer opportunity, a business, a craft, a letter to a friend, a charity, an outreach, a song, or some other project. What is the thing you can spend hours doing with no idea how much time has passed? What makes you feel alive when you do it? In my experience, when you start moving toward those dreams, your need for a relationship will start to shrink. Even just taking 10 minutes a day to follow those interests will reinforce that God made you unique and special which has nothing to do with your relationship status. He has a beautiful plan and purpose for you.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. -Ephesians 2:10 NLT
What has helped you enjoy your singleness? We’d love to hear in the comments below.
About Hannah Schermerhorn
Hannah Schermerhorn is an author and speaker who lives in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, with her cat, Fritz. Her recent book, A Single Life to Live, was written to encourage and uplift singleness. Learn more at www.hannahschermerhorn.com.
Connect with Hannah: Website / Instagram / Facebook
In conjunction with this post and the podcast interview, Hannah is giving away a free copy of her book, A Single Life to Live: Stop Waiting for Your Life to Begin & Thrive Where God Has You Today.
Leave a comment below sharing with us one thing you learned about enjoying your single life and you will be entered into the contest for your chance to win a copy of her book.
You could also share this blog post on Facebook, Pinterest, or Twitter then comment here to tell us where you shared it and you’ll also be entered into the drawing.
The winner will be selected at random and announced next Monday, February 27, 2023. Continental United States only.
Great ideas and thoughts! I was married for a long time, so it was a rough transition into unwanted singlehood. After getting my kids launched and feeling more stable, I decided to quit waiting on a guy to go on vacations, buy a house, whatever. I’ve got a great group of single friends, and we do all kinds of things together. I bought a house on my own, and I take myself on great vacations.
Great advice for singles! We need more books about vibrant singleness. So glad you are sharing your journey with us.
Being able to take off and go on a trip with friends.
Being single has given me the time to focus on me, To grow as a person and learn that I need to keep working on my personal and spiritual growth. Not feeling jealous and asking God for strength and guidance.
In recent years, some of my friends have lost their mates and find themselves single after years of being happily married. It has been wonderful to see some transition into full lives even through their grief.
I dated very little in high school and college and really didn’t know if I would marry but when my hubby came along, I knew the Lord had brought us together. We have been married for almost 55 years but I have thought in this older years how I would do if something happened to him and I was single. To me the greatest message that you and Hannah gave is the first part of this blog, who does God say you are whether single or married it doesn’t matter but God’s plans and purposes for us are individual and very special. He will take care of me if I am single or married. He loves us; He cherishes me as His daughter, single or married. That is what is important. I will share this on FB. This is such an important encouragement. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you so much for addressing this topic and sharing such wonderful info! It did my heart good! I’ve been single for sooo long. Since 1996. We were a military family and my husband abandoned me and our children when he retired before I did. It’s not easy but I have to keep refocusing on the thought that Jesus is my Bridegroom that I’m patiently waiting for. (Praise God He rescued and served me and my kids the same summer!) So, I read and listen to things (sermons and music) that keep my mind stayed on him and also do crafty stuff that have thoughts of Him in the messages. I also have my family (mom and sisters and adults kids, in-law kids and 3 grandkids when I get to see them..they don’t live close by) and my companion doggie. I thank God for my lil boy🐾💙 God bless you sister!✝️🙏🏼🕊
I had to leave an emotionally abusive marriage and find that the transition has been one of the best things happening to me. I found God’s love and His endearing ways of helping me through a new location, home and new church. God know exactlly what I needed and I trust Him to continue to lead me to a ministry as I continue to write my poems that satisfy my creative outlet. Thank you for your words of encouragement through the singleness I now live.