Episode Summary:

The contributors to a friendship breakup are varied and as individual as the parties involved. A spectrum of relationship commitments falls under the umbrella of friendship. Friendships can range from acquaintances, colleagues, familial, casual, close, or intimate. The type of friendship prior to a breakup affects the depth of the wound. Many questions exist around friendship breakups ranging from “why do friendships end?” to “what does this say about me?” and even “what do we need when friendships end?” In the last episode, Jessica Van Roekel and I talked about how to repair a friendship. But what about in situations where a friendship can’t be repaired? In this episode, we talk about how to heal after a friendship breakup.


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Quotables from the Episode:

  • Some of the most common reasons why friendships end are: perceived offense, jealousy, feelings of inferiority, grief, major life transitions, and unresolved personal issues that come to a head.
  • A friendship breakup is not always a bad thing, even when it feels bad.
  • Often, the strong desire to belong creates people-pleasing tendencies and makes an “idol” of relationships. God values friendships, but if our relationship with Him isn’t our top priority, our focus on an earthly friendship, no matter how close, can usurp His position in our hearts.
  • The depth of intimacy in our friendships can become misguided or one-sided. That can lead to unfulfilled expectations, selfishness, manipulation, insensitivity, a mismatch of give-and-take, or unappreciation.
  • Women have a more difficult time healing from a broken friendship than men because, in general, women are more emotionally invested in friendships.
  • When we’ve lost a relationship, we must give ourselves space to grieve, to fully feel the shock, anger, sadness, frustration, betrayal, and disappointment.
  • To heal after a friendship breakup, we need God’s guidance in how to respond, the encouragement that He sees our pain, the hope that He would deal with our friend’s heart as well as our own, and His reminder not to let hurt and anger create bitter roots of resentment.
  • Before healing can begin, we need to acknowledge our pain.
  • When we no longer know who the safe people are in our lives, we need to share our pain with Jesus. He does not break confidences or judge us for our grief.
  • Forgiveness begins as an act of obedience and becomes the first step we return to again and again as the pain from friendship losses resurge.
  • Healing takes time—it’s not a one and done prayer or conversation.
  • Remember, as much as you hurt, God hurts for you.


Scripture References:

  • Psalm 34:18(ESV) “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
  • Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV) “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”


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Jessica Van Roekel, authorJessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.





Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson


Struggling through a friendship breakup? You're not alone. Join me with Jessica Van Roekel as we dive into the complexities of healing and moving forward.