Dear Dr B,
I have several family members and friends who have chronic illness and pain. I also work in ministry with many people who are going through a number of difficult struggles. It’s just my nature to want to do whatever I can to help. I pray for them, but I have to tell you that I also tend to carry their burdens with them and allow their struggles to really get me down. How can I empathize, support, and give Godly advice without suffering with them, feeling like I have to solve their problems, and having it negatively impact me?
Sincerely,
Overly Caring
Dear Caring,
First let me say that I love your compassionate nature. The body of Christ, and the church as a whole, needs more individuals like you who are not so concerned about having the right thing to say, but are willing to be a presence in someone’s storm. On behalf of all those you have ministered to, let me say thank you.
As part of the body of Christ we are called to help carry each others’ burdens. To your question, however, we should guard against “false burden bearing” which is essentially taking responsibility for something that is not ours to carry. Or trying to fix or resolve a situation that isn’t ours to remedy. This can happen when we care deeply for someone.
Compassion for another’s suffering is not bad. Jesus was greatly moved with compassion. But when we, as you said, carry their burdens with them and begin to be more invested in solving their problems than they are, that may be a sign of having crossed from compassion to false burden bearing.
My recommendation is that you first pray that God will protect your heart and mind. Even in my private practice, I cannot allow myself to get too deeply entrenched in the emotional suffering of each of my patients or I would not be effective in helping any of them.
Then pray about who and how to help. Even a good therapist cannot treat everyone who walks in their door. And a good mentor cannot mentor an unlimited number of individuals at one time. There just isn’t enough time or emotional bandwidth available. So seek God’s direction about who to help, while guarding against taking responsibility for their situation.
If the Lord wants you to help, pray about how. And ask for His timing. We often get in a hurry to help a person out of their situation, while God is actually using their trial to help teach them something.
The truth is that the only one who should be carrying our burdens for us is the Lord. The best way we can help others is to point them back to the Lord, while not carrying or assuming responsibility for their burdens.
Even when God lays someone on your heart to pray for or to come along side in some way, ultimately the end result remains God’s responsibility. We just get the privilege of partnering with Him.
Because of Him,
#HopePrevails
(If you have a question you’d like Dr. B to answer, contact her here now. Your name and identity will be kept confidential.)
A short brief about Hope Prevails.
Hope Prevails
Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey through Depression
Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Speaking from personal and professional experience, a neuropsychologist unpacks what depression is, shows how it affects us spiritually, and offers hope for living the abundant life.
Neuropsychologist Offers Hope to Those Struggling with Depression
-By 2020, depression will be our greatest epidemic worldwide
- An estimated 350 million people worldwide suffer from some form of depression
- As with the bestselling My Stroke of Insight, the author experienced the same condition she treats
- Helpful features include personal stories, biblical truths, prayers, and music recommendations
In Hope Prevails, Dr. Bengtson writes with deep compassion and empathy, blending her extensive training and faith, to offer readers a hope that is grounded in God’s love and grace. She helps readers understand what depression is, how it affects them spiritually, and what, by God’s grace, it cannot do. The result is a treatment plan that addresses the whole person—not just chemical imbalances in the brain.
For those who struggle with depression and those that want to help them, Hope Prevails offers real hope for the future.
Hope Prevails is available now wherever books are sold. To find out more, see: http://drmichellebengtson.com/hope-prevails-book/.
This was so helpful! I loved this: “The truth is that the only one who should be carrying our burdens for us is the Lord. The best way we can help others is to point them back to the Lord, while not carrying or assuming responsibility for their burdens.” Such truth! Thank you so much for sharing!
Michelle,
Glad you enjoyed the post. He wants us to have a heart of compassion, but not to assume responsibility for someone else’s outcome. Let’s love like Jesus but leave the result to Him! Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
Michelle,
You always weave beautiful wisdom in your posts, practical advice that leads us to love like He does. It is so difficult to see those we love suffer and struggle. Ultimately, it is about God and how we can love others through His Spirit.
Thank you for sharing such godly wisdom.
Blessings!!
Dawn
Sweet Dawn,
Your words are a blessing to my heart. Thank you for your encouragement. It’s always my desire to point people back to Him. HE is always our answer.
Yes, it is so difficult to see those we love suffer and struggle. But I imagine it’s even harder on our Heavenly Father because He longs for us to release it to Him.
Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
Very wise and helpful advice. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Mary! I hope it helps someone where they are. Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
I love this Michelle. It sounds like the heart of the work I’ll get to do in field study in seminary next year. Being present in the storm – I will remember that. Great to connect again! Be well.
Lisha,
There is a treasured gift in being present in someone else’s storm. He’s a rewarder of that! Blessings on your field study next year–can’t wait to hear how it goes! Because of Him, #HopePrevails!
I agree that the best way to help people is to point them to the Lord. I enjoyed reading your post. I found it very encouraging.
Thank you Renee!
“The end result remains God’s responsibilty.” Oh, how very true! This was a much-needed and timely post, dear Dr. Michelle.
I am so grateful for the time you take to write these articles. I always leave here with much to ponder.
Thank you for sharing with Roses of Inspiration. Hugs and joy to you!
Right on with the message. As someone who is approached by parents with teens in crisis, you have to step back and pray about how to be effective in ministering without over extending yourself and actually causing more issues not just for them but for you too. Secondly, seek the leadership in your church for direction and wisdom. You can also offer help by referring to a counselor. They are more knowledgeable of how to minister and counsel and have a better support system. Lastly, you can still be supportive but on a different level. Either way, encouraging them to pray and reading the Word of God is the best way to start in answering their need.